According To Plan
by pdshalstud
Summary: They've been partners and best friends for thirteen years, there's always been something more between them. But after spending another birthday, single, Erin makes a big decision. Will it bring them to their "One Day" or will they be driven apart? Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Most of this chapter is written in italics because it's basically one big flashback. I hope you all enjoy this story! I've been really excited to write it but I don't know if I'll be able to continue if it's not well received tbh. So if you like it please let me know, if not please keep your opinions to yourself! Thanks. **

XXXXXX

She's nervous as hell as she sits in the dull room of the clinic, legs elevated with her feet in stirrups. The weeks leading up to this replays in her mind as she leans her head back and stares blankly at the ceiling.

_She's just shutting down her computer, looking forward to the weekend when Antonio; t__heir sergeant's voice bellows through the bullpen. _

"_Before we all call it a night, we have one last thing we have to do." _

_Detective Lindsay's cheeks become tinted pink as her colleagues start singing "Happy Birthday." Feeling uncomfortable, she looks down at her black jacket lying over her arm. _

_Once they're done singing, she looks around at her fellow detectives—she's a little surprised when she doesn't see her partner and best friend. She scans the room for the green henley he wore today, the one that makes the green in his eyes pop and his arms looked as if they were going to burst through the sleeves. Someone nudges her shoulder, bringing her out of her daze. She looks over her shoulder to discover it was the very person she was just daydreaming about. Jay Halstead has been the bane of her existence since they met at the academy thirteen years ago. A fire ignites over her skin and spreads from her neck down to her toes when he leans in to whisper in her ear._

"_Come on Lindsay,__ blow out your candles so we can have some cake." _

_She can see his signature smirk in her peripheral right before she closes her eyes and does as he says. _

_XXXXXX _

_She's just walking out of the clear doors of the district when he jogs up behind her with a small paper plate with his slice of cake on it. _

"_So what'd you wish for?" He asks as his shoulder brushes hers. _

"_I thought you weren't going to ask this year." _

"_I have to keep up the tradition." He states as seriously as he can before grinning at her._

"_Well then you know what I'm going to say." _

"_Do you really believe your wish won't come true if you tell me?" He asks as he finishes his cake. _

"_I can't risk it." She answers with a smirk and he chuckles. _

"_Fine. Are you up for getting a drink? You know, for tradition."_

"_Only if we can skip the bar scene, I'm just not feeling up to it." _

"_Of course, I'll just meet you at your place." _

"_Ok, I'm going to stop at the supermarket first." _

"_I'll supply the drinks." _

"_I have beer and whiskey at home. I just need a few things." _

"_Alright I'll see you in a bit." He tosses his keys up a little in his hand and hops in his car. _

_XXXXXX _

_Erin pulls a box of cereal off the shelf, and just as she turns she kicks something soft. She looks down to find a stuffed bunny. She turns again and sees a woman with toddler seating in the cart. She picks up the pink toy and walks over to the woman. _

"_Thank you so much." The mother says and little girl giggles as her mom hands the bunny. Erin smiles at the sight of the child hugging the toy. _

"_No problem." Erin says after a few seconds and then she heads to the self-checkout kiosk. She waits patiently behind another mom with a young baby in her arms. He's looking over his mother's shoulder and smiling at Erin. Her nose scrunches as she smiles at the little blonde baby. A kiosk opens up and Erin moves towards it. _

_XXXXXX _

"_I was just about to call you." _

"_Did you miss me?" _

"_Nah, I just didn't want to finish the whole six pack before you got here." He jokes and she laughs. _

_They put the groceries away together and he opens the beer bottles for them before they walk to the living room. _

_She turns on the TV and just leaves an episode of Fixer Upper on; setting the remote back down on the table. He chuckles as she takes a swig of her beer. _

"_What?" She questions._

"_I'm still surprised you're into this stuff, it seems too girlie for you." He replies and she attempts to punch him in the arm but he stops her hand by catching her wrist. He pulls her towards him and their faces end up only a few centimeters apart. He looks just as shocked at their closeness as she does. They both shift their line of sight between the other's lips and eyes before she's pulling away._

_After watching a few more episodes of Fixer Upper and finishing off the case of beer, she falls asleep. He cleans up the bottles and pizza box before carrying her to her room. He covers her with her comforter and places a kiss to her forehead whispering against her skin. _

"_One day." _

_XXXXXX _

_Only an hour or so later, she wakes up to go to the bathroom. After washing her hands and walking back to her bed she feels wide awake. She turns her flat screen on just in time to hear a woman talking about her dream nursery as she slowly opens the white door. She mentions how she always imagined her husband putting the nursery together and painting the walls, but she felt like she couldn't wait anymore. Erin feels for the woman and admires the beautiful room before pulling out her laptop. _

_She spends a few hours researching before falling back to sleep again. _

_XXXXXX _

"_Erin, are you sure this is something you really want? IVF is expensive and it can be discouraging from what I've heard because it doesn't always take right away." Kim asks as they exit the gym. _

"_I know. I've done a shit ton of research. It's all I've been able to think about for the last few weeks. Every mother and baby I walk past on the street, every diaper and Johnson & Johnson commercial." _

"_Have you told Jay?"_

"_Why would I have to tell Jay?"_

"_I'm not saying you have to, but he is your partner and one of your best friends. Not to mention you're in love with each other. Do you need me to continue?"_

"_No." _

"_What about your one day?" Kim asks next, putting up air quotes with her last two words and Erin stops in her tracks. Kim can see the wheels turning in her head. She takes a sip of her coffee as she moves to stand in front of her friend. "Look Erin I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I support whatever you decide, and I'll be crazy excited to become an aunt again but I do think you should tell Jay." She states and Erin nods as she considers her words. Kim steps to the side, and turns around so they can continue walking._

_Erin finishes her cup of coffee a couple blocks before they arrive at the station. They scan their access cards and walk the rest of the way to the bullpen, where they're met by Jay and Adam. _

"_Hey darlin', where's mine?" Adam greets, gesturing towards the cup in his fiancée's hand. _

_Kim shrugs. "You didn't say you wanted anything." _

"_I thought I did." _

"_No you didn't." Kim argues. Jay and Erin chuckle at the exchange between their friends. _

_Jay wordlessly offers the second coffee cup in his hand to Erin. _

"_Large, two creams and one sugar." Jay explains. _

"_Thank you." Erin says as she takes the warm cup. _

"_Halstead, Ruzek, get these files downstairs, would you." Dawson orders and Jay hands Erin his cup too; knowing she'll just put it on his desk. She and Kim walk to the elevator._

"_Maybe he'll be willing to save you some time, money and discomfort and just knock you up himself." Kim jokes as they go to their desks. _

_Erin elbows her friend lightly and they both chuckle as they each bring their cups to their lips. _

The timer dings and snaps her out of it. She takes a deep breath before moving to sit up a little. The doctor comes in to talk to her a little more. She goes straight home and spends the rest of the day in bed; her legs elevated with four of her six pillows.

XXXXXX

A week later she goes to work and immediately gets called into their Sergeant's office. She wipes her hands on the front of her jeans.

"Take a seat and relax Erin, I just have a quick question for you." Antonio states.

"Ok."

"I was just made aware that there's an opening in the new S.W.A.T unit."

Erin nods for her boss to continue.

"They've been scouting our team for someone to join this new unit and they asked me who I thought fit best."

"I don't think I'm the right person."

"I agree."

"Then why am I here?"

"I wanted to let you know that they're going to offer the job to Jay." He finally states and she's not sure how to feel as she gets dismissed from the office. Her limbs feel heavy as she slowly makes her way to her desk. Jay gives her a crooked smile as she takes a seat and she gives him a weak grin in return. He doesn't say anything but his furrowed eyebrows silently asks her what's wrong. She answers with a shake of her head and big fake smile. She knows he can see past it but she turns to face her computer just in time to blink back tears.


	2. Chapter 2

They gave him three days to give them an answer, and two have already come and gone. The only thing holding him back is Erin. They've been partners since they graduated from the academy and he can't imagine anyone else having her back. They've both wanted to talk about it but it seems every time one of them goes to bring it up something of greater priority comes up.

After wrapping up their case, Erin looks over at his desk and he turns towards her. His eyebrows knit together and silently ask her what's going on.

"My place or yours?" She asks and he smiles.

"It's up to you." He replies simply.

"I asked you."

"Fine, mine." He says as he stands from his chair.

"What time does the game start tonight?"

"There is no game tonight."

"What? Isn't it the tenth?" Her nose crinkles in confusion.

"The tenth was yesterday."

"Oh then what am I coming over for?"

"I may have recorded it last night."

"Did you already watch it?" She asks.

"No."

"Ok I'll see you in a bit" She says and he nods.

XXXXXX

He beats her there and takes a shower, knowing she'll use her key to get in when he doesn't answer. When he gets out, he wraps a towel around his waist and walks to his dresser. The sound of glass breaking has him rushing to the kitchen.

"I'm so sorry." Erin says as she grabs the broom and dustpan. Not even looking at him before sweeping up the clear shards.

"It's ok, are you alright?" He asks, concerned, as she dumps the glass into the waste bin. She replaces the broom and dustpan before finally looking at him. She nods and he chuckles as her eyes roam over bare chest and torso.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She mumbles as she watches a drop of water slowly roll down his tattooed peck and over his abs before disappearing into the fabric of the towel. "I'm fine." She adds. As she looks up at his eyes, he doesn't miss the faint blush on her cheeks.

"Ok well I'm going to get dressed then."

"Ok." She replies almost shyly.

XXXXXX

He throws on a shirt and a pair of sweatpants before making his way back out to the kitchen where she is still standing against the white and grey granite of the countertop.

"Did you get your glass of water yet?"

"No, I didn't want to bre-" She begins but he doesn't let her finish, moving to stand right in front of her. Her chest is flush against his abdomen as he reaches over her to grab a glass. When he brings the glass down he looks at her; their breathing seems to get heavier as their eyes meet, neither of them making an attempt to move. Clearing his throat, he hands her the glass and steps back.

"Thanks." She murmurs, and he nods, reaching into the fridge for two brown bottles. He takes the top off of one and offers it to her while she's still filling her glass.

"No thanks." She says.

He looks as if he's going to question her and she takes a deep breath to prepare herself. He places the back of his hand on her forehead.

"What are you doing?" She chuckles.

"I'm just seeing if you're coming down with a fever." He says seriously.

Erin pushes his hand away playfully. "I'm fine Jay, I just don't really want a beer."

He seems to accept it, or so she thinks. But he knows there's something she's not telling him. He also knows that she'll tell him when she's ready. He puts the second bottle back in the fridge and walks around the counter, into the living room.

"So when do you start the new unit?" She asks as she sits criss cross on the couch.

He stands off to the side, turning the TV on. Her question takes him by surprise; he wasn't expecting her to be the one to bring it up. He sets the remote down before he even turns the game on and sits down next to her. "I haven't taken it yet."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I haven't accepted the position yet."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you first, make sure you're ok with it?"

"Of course I'm ok with it Jay." She says, even if she doesn't believe it herself. "And even if I wasn't I'd hope you would still take the job, this is huge for you."

"Yeah but you're my partner and you've always been my partner."

"And what kind of partner would I be if I knowingly held you back from an opportunity like this?"

"It's just hard to imagine someone else having your back. I'm going to miss working with you."

"Me too, but you need to take this Jay. You're the best person for this job." She says with a smile. He looks away from her and down at the bottle in his hands,; picking at the label. The couch moves a little as she gets up, but he keeps his eyes cast down. She comes back quickly,; standing directly in front of him.

"Call Edwards." She orders while offering him his phone.

"I'll call in the morning."

"Why not call him now?" She questions and he finds it adorable how her eyebrows furrow slightly. "Come on, then we can watch the game."

He takes the phone and lets out a sigh as he dials the numbers. His thumb hovers over the green button before she presses it for him. She also puts it on speaker and the director answers on the second ring.

"What can I do for you Halstead?"

"I called to let you know that I'll-" Jay starts but pauses as he looks up at Erin. Her smile disappears when he gives her a concerned look. She waves her hand to urge him to continue. "I called to accept your offer sir."

"Excellent, you start Monday." The director says, and Erin's heart sinks a little. She's happy for him but she can't lie and say she won't miss him. Jay hangs up and puts the phone down on the table, looking up at her when she doesn't move or say anything. He can see she's processing what they heard and he gives her a minute before his hand reaches for hers and gives it a quick, gentle squeeze, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Hey." He whispers. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm going to miss you." She shrugs, really wishing she could have a beer as she plops down on the cushion next to him.

"It's not like we're never going to see each other, we'll still have this, watching every game like this." He replies.

"Yeah but we're not going to be partners anymore." She says and their eyes lock on each other's. "It's just going to be weird." She adds as she looks down. He moves closer to her, placing his hand on her knee and squeezing gently.

"You'll always be my first and favorite partner." He whispers into her ear causing her to chuckle sadly. "Always." He repeats, placing a quick kiss to her temple. Eventually they pull apart and Jay picks the remote back up.

Their bodies remain close to each other even as he starts the game. He's the one that falls asleep this time,; the upper half of his body is sunken into the back of the worn leather couch and his head is leaning to the side. She thinks about just covering him with a blanket and sneaking out, but she doesn't want him to be sore so she shakes his shoulder. His long eyelashes flutter before his blue green eyes slowly open.

"Hey, I'm going to head out but I didn't want you to be hurting when you woke up."

"Oh uh, thanks." He mumbles, his voice already laced with sleep. He nods, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Goodnight Jay."

"Goodnight."

XXXXXX

She goes straight to her room to change but she only gets her shoes and pants off before the picture on her nightstand stops her. She sits down on the edge of her bed and picks up the frame, bringing it closer so that the bottom is resting against her stomach. The corners of her lips curl up into a sad smile as she looks down at the old photo. She's sitting on her desk, her arms wrapped loosely around Jay's shoulders as he leans against the desk between her legs. Both of them are facing the camera with huge grins— they had just been promoted to Special Agents. She feels some excitement for him now, but there's a hint of sadness too, knowing she won't be seeing his smiling face every day.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I've recently decided to take a step back from the CPD fandom, and although I'm almost done writing this fic, my updates won't be nearly as frequent as they've been with previous fics. If I'm feeling inspired and a chapter has been edited then I'll post when I can. Please review! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy! **

XXXXXX

It's been three weeks since he joined his new team. They just solved their second case, and he's not sure where he's going wrong. He feels that both cases should have been open-and-shut and it bothers him that the unit doesn't seem to listen when _he_ has something to say. This position isn't what he expected but it's not in him to give up.

He shuts down his computer and swipes his phone and keys off of the mahogany desktop as he stands from the black office chair. He lets out a sigh as he turns off the lights in his new office.

The door clicks behind him as he exits the brand new building that is now attached to the back of District Twenty One.

The lobby is buzzing as officers and detectives move around. He quickly makes his way to the door but then he hears her voice—the voice he hasn't heard enough of in the last few weeks—and he puts his arm out to stop the door from shutting. He feels a weight being lifted off his shoulders as she gives him a sweet dimpled smile.

She takes a sip out of her water bottle while she ascends down the last couple steps, her mouth suddenly dry as she takes in his muscular body dressed in all black. She finds it hard to swallow and feels the need to fan herself as she gets closer to him.

"Thanks." She sighs as he holds the door open for her.

"You're welcome." He whispers.

"Long day?" She asks as the elevator slowly starts to move.

He runs his hand down his face as he responds. "You have no idea."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not here." He jokes and she playfully punches his arm.

"I thought this would be the perfect place." She laughs as they step onto the sidewalk in front of District twenty one.

"I was thinking about grabbing Thai on my way home if you'd like to join me?" She asks as they near the parking lot.

"Sounds good to me." He says and she smiles down shyly.

XXXXXX

He holds the bags of food while she unlocks her door. Erin goes to her room to change while he makes them each a plate. Five minutes later, they meet in the living room.

Erin turns the TV on for background noise. "So what's going on with you?"

"I guess this gig just isn't what I expected."

"What'd you expect?"

"I don't know, I didn't think I'd feel so out of place and I usually wouldn't care but how am I supposed to work with them if they won't even talk to me. I even went to Deacon to ask some questions and he told me a few things, and I guess I was just hoping that it'd be more like our unit." He says and she laughs. "What's so funny?"

"Do you remember when we first moved to Intelligence?" She asks with a chuckle. "Everyone hated us, and they weren't shy about letting Dawson know. It took them months to start listening to us and letting us contribute."

"Yeah I guess."

"Just give them some time Jay, they'll come around. And while I understand wanting to talk to a seasoned S.W.A.T officer, this isn't Deacon's unit and the rules and regulations you're accustomed to don't apply anymore. You just need to do your thing and they'll get over themselves eventually." She continues.

They finish eating, and while the news plays quietly on the TV he thinks about her words. Once they're done, they take their plates to the kitchen. His phone rings and vibrates on the counter and he reaches over to grab it, pressing the green button when he sees that it's his mom calling.

"Hey ma." He greets. "No, Erin and I just finished dinner."

"Hi Mama Halstead!" Erin shouts from her spot by the sink and Jay puts the call on speaker.

"Hello sweetheart, how have you been?"

"I've been ok, how about you?"

"I've been pretty good."

"That's good. We'll all have to have dinner sometime soon."

"Yes we should. Let me know when you're free and I'll make you a meatloaf."

Erin yawns and he feels like he should let her go to sleep, even if part of him wants to stay with her.

"I'll bring dessert." Erin adds.

Jay smiles, loving how much his mom adores her and vice versa. "How can I help you ma?"

"I was just calling to check on you."

"Alright, I'm going let Erin go to bed, can I call you back?"

"I'll hold." His mom says and he puts her on mute.

"You don't have to go." She says sadly.

"I know, but I don't want to keep you up. Thank you for dinner and the advice." He replies. She nods as they walk to the door.

"Goodnight Jay." She says with a sad smile.

"Goodnight Er." He says back before he walks towards the stairs. He takes his mom off of mute as he starts down the stairs. The first words out of her mouth had Jay rolling his eyes.

"So have you two gotten together yet?."

"You know it's not like that between us."

"And the only reason it's not like _that _between you is because of your boss. But you'd work side-by-side around the clock and then you still went to each other's place after closing a case to spend more time together."

"What's your point mom?"

"My point is that you two no longer work together, so what's stopping you now?"

Jay thinks about her words. And then he thinks about what Erin said earlier, about the old rules and regulations not applying anymore. He stops on the stair he's on and turns around to go back up. He waits on the landing of her floor until he's done talking to his mom. She ends the conversation with "I'm going to start planning your wedding." Once they hang up he goes to her door. He nervously wipes his hands on the front of his jeans before knocking. Soon enough he hears the lock click and the door opens.

"Hey, did you forget something?" She asks as she holds up his keys.

"I uh, thanks." He murmurs.

"Is everything ok Jay?" She looks worried and a faint blush tints his cheeks as he thinks of what to say.

He wants to say something. He wants to tell her that they no longer work together. To remind her that those old rules don't apply. But he stops himself.

"Yeah, everything's fine." He answers, his voice a little shaky. "Thanks Erin. Good night." And with that, he turns to leave


	4. Chapter 4

She walks in the doors of the station and dries her shoes off on the rugs when the smell of coffee wafts up to her nostrils. She can't seem to get to the nearest waste bin fast enough before she's emptying the contents of her stomach. She's not sure how long she hovers over the shiny silver can, but when her stomach stops lurching, she moves to the restroom. She rests her hands on the top of the vanity and looks up at her reflection as she thinks about how the doctor told her that it's rare for it to happen on the first try. She smiles as she looks down at her stomach and places a hand over the black fabric of her jacket.

"Erin?" She hears and moves towards the door. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine." She says as she exits the restroom.

"Are you sure?" Jay asks.

'_Not really.' _She thinks as she nods, immediately regretting her lie.

They walk towards the stairs together, and the smell of the two coffees he's holding causes her stomach to churn again. She turns to run back to the bathroom. He goes to follow her, but stops at the door.

XXXXXX

Jay tells Dawson that Erin is sick, so she gets sent home before she even makes it all the way upstairs. She tries her best to convince her boss that she'll be ok, but he shakes his head and turns her body to face the door, giving her a gentle push.

Jay apologizes and tells her that he'll call to check on her in a little bit. She rolls her eyes at his overprotectiveness letting out a sigh before walking to the door. She only makes it a few feet from the building before she's calling Kim.

XXXXXX

An hour later there's a knock at the door. Erin slowly makes her way to open it for her friend who is still dressed in her uniform.

"Ok so I got a couple different kinds of tests, and a few things to drink. Oh, and I got this cute little bear at the checkout." Kim rambles, Erin has to laugh at her friend's excitement. "I can't believe you might be pregnant. This is so excit-"

"Kim, _breathe_." Erin says jokingly.

"How are you so calm right now?" Kim asks.

Erin just shrugs, grabbing the paper bag from Kim and heading down the hall to the bathroom.

XXXXXX

Erin places the third plastic stick on the vanity before she walks out to her room. Kim is sitting on the edge of the bed filding with a small shiny object.

"Why is Jay's badge on your bedroom floor?"

"He must have dropped it last night."

"Mhm. And what was he doing in your room?"

"It probably fell out of his pocket when he went to the bathroom." Erin says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I thought you were going to say that you finally slept together."

"You thought wrong."

"Ok, I'll pretend to believe you."

"You do that. I'm going to check the tests." Erin turns to walk back into the bathroom.

"So did you tell him about everything?" Kim asks, causing Erin to stop and turn towards her.

"No, I wanted to wait and see if there was something to tell."

"You need to tell him either way."

"Can I go look at the tests now?"

"Yes." Kim answers. As she stands from the bed, she watches as Erin picks up and looks at the three tests separately before turning around. "So?" Kim asks as she enters the bathroom.

Erin looks up with a smile and tears in her eyes. "They're positive." Erin states calmly.

Kim squeals, rushing over and giving her friend a hug.

They're both sitting on the edge of the bathtub when Erin's phone rings a few minutes later. She walks out to pick it up and smiles at the name flashing across the screen.

"Hey." She answers.

"Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, I was just doing some things around the apartment."

"I should have known that you wouldn't be taking it easy."

"It's just not in me to take it easy." She jokes and they both chuckle.

"I should be heading back to work." Kim yells from the bedroom doorway.

"Tell Kim I say hi."

"Jay says hi."

"Hi Jay, bye Jay. I'll talk to you later Erin." Kim waves. _'Tell him.' _She mouths and Erin nods before Kim walks away.

"Wait Kim." She walks up over to her, and hands her the badge back. "Jay Kim's going to bring you your badge."

"Thanks, I should probably get back to work too; I just wanted to check on you. I'll give you a call later. Get some rest."

"Yes sir." She says with a chuckle.

"I'm serious Erin."

"Ok, bye Jay."

"Bye." He says before she hangs up. Just as she's about to set her phone down a text from Kim comes through.

_K-You need to tell him! And then you can have sex with him! _

_E-Ok bye Kim_

_K-Seriously Erin_

Erin rolls her eyes and tosses her phone on the bed. She tells herself that Kim is right, but when sees him again the next day her nerves get the best of her and she keeps quiet.

XXXXXX

A week goes by, and even though they've hung out almost every night, she still hasn't told him. But after another conversation with Kim, Erin was reminded that he deserved to know.

She's sitting on his couch picking at the food on her plate when he walks in with a beer bottle in each hand. He offers her one, but she shakes her head until she finishes chewing.

"No thanks."

"I thought you said you're feeling better?"

"It comes and goes."

"You promised you'd go to the doctor if the nausea continued. Is it safe to assume you haven't done that?"

"I have to tell you something." She says shyly after placing the plate on the coffee table. She can't look at him, knowing she'll be met with a confused and worried expression. She takes a deep breath before speaking, her voice almost a whisper, "I'm pregnant." She only looks up when she hears him chuckle.

"I'm sorry it just sounded like you said you were pregnant."

"I am Jay, I'm seven weeks pregnant." She looks back down and begins to explain the weeks following her birthday.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't expect for it to happen so quickly. I thought I had time, the doctor told me that it doesn't usually take the first time. And I understand if you don't want any part-"

"So the only reason you told me is because it took?"

"No." She whispers while she continues to look down. "I-" She begins, but the sigh he lets out stops her.

"I um, I'm going to take a shower." He states as he stands from the couch.

She just nods, blinking back tears as he kisses her forehead and walks to his room. The tears roll down her face as soon as he closes the bathroom door. She takes her plate to the kitchen and grabs her things before leaving.

He stands under the stream of water as his thoughts run wild. He shouldn't have walked away, he shouldn't have reacted the way he did and he feels shame wash over him as if it's mixed with the water coming from the showerhead. He doesn't know what came over him and he ponders until the water runs cold and he steps out to dry off. He had a vision of what that moment would have been like if they were together. Then he realizes that the life he pictured with her, is happening, it just doesn't involve him and he realizes that maybe she's given up on their one day. And in that moment he feels his heart ache in a way like never before.

When he walks out of the bathroom he's not surprised to see that she's gone. He runs a hand through his damp hair and lets out a sigh as he walks to the couch, practically throwing himself down on the dark leather cushions. He's been sitting there for a while when his phone rings. He lets out another sigh as he reaches for it, hitting ignore without even looking at who's calling. He repeats the action when it starts up again. After the third time, he closes his eyes and answers it.

"Hi dear."

"Hey mom."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything is fine." He lies.

"Is it something to do with Erin?"

"How is that your first guess?"

"Because I'm your mother." She says and he chuckles sadly. "And I may have just talked to Erin. She sounded just as sad as you do right now."

"She called and told you?"

"No, I called her to invite her over for dinner Sunday night. I asked her what was wrong and she lied to me like you just did. But then she told me what was going on."

"Well I don't want to talk about it."

"That's ok, we can all talk about it on Sunday."

"Mom," Jay warned.

"No Jay, she's your best friend. And even though you two aren't ready to admit it to each other yet, you love each other. She deserves to know that she has your support."

"I do support her."

"Well you have a poor way of showing it."

"She didn't tell me."

"She did tell you, just not when you would have liked. But did you think that maybe she wanted to wait until there was something to tell you?"

"I thought maybe it'd be with me, I wanted it to be with me mom." He chokes and his mom almost drops the phone. She tries to think of something-anything to say but for the first time in a while she takes a while to think of an appropriate thing to say. She's still thinking when Jay says " I have to go."

"I'll see you Sunday. Love you." She says sternly.

"Love you too ma." He says as he hangs up. He pockets his phone when he stands from the couch. He walks to the counter to grab his keys and slips on some shoes before he leaves his apartment.

He just drives for a while, not heading anywhere in particular. He's not mad at her. In fact, he's happy for her. But he is disappointed that she felt she couldn't tell him and disappointed in himself for holding back. A part of him wonders if she included him in her plans as he drives a little longer, stopping at the book store near his apartment and then going back home.


	5. Chapter 5

On Sunday night, Erin parks her car in front the yellow and white house she's been to countless times over the last thirteen years. She takes the keys out of the ignition and puts them in her pocket before slowly reaching over to grab the pie she made off of the passenger seat.

Her legs are shaky, and after she knocks gently on the front door her heart races. The white wood swings open and it takes Erin a moment to react; she eventually pulls herself together and gives Mrs. Halstead a soft smile.

"Well come on in, we don't need you catching a cold out here." The older woman states.

Erin nods her head as she steps into her partner's childhood home. His mom takes her by surprise as she turns and gives her a hug. "Congratulations sweetheart."

"Thank you."

"How are you feeling?"

"Ok just a little scared and tired. The morning sickness usually starts when I'm getting ready to go to sleep."

"Maybe your doctor can give you something to help?"

"Yeah, I have another appointment on Friday."

Erin doesn't know if it's the family pictures hung on the walls or the smell of a home cooked meal, but there's something about their house that makes her feel like she's back at home in Chicago. She lets the adorable pictures of Jay and Will keep her anxiousness at bay as she slowly follows Mrs. Halstead into the kitchen. When they get to the end of the hall her heart starts to race again. She's surprised that she's not met by her favorite pair of blue green eyes. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion and her heart sinks, thinking she must've really screwed things up between them.

"His unit got a case." His mom somehow read Erin's mind.

Not really sure what to say, Erin just nods and follows Mrs. Halstead into the dining room.

Once they're seated and their plates are made, Jay's mom starts up the conversation again. "So have you two talked since that night?"

"No." Erin answers after she finishes chewing her food. Mrs. Halstead lets out a light chuckle and Erin looks at her confused.

"That's just like Jay. Even when he was a kid he didn't talk about how he was feeling. He'd rather keep things to himself. It only seemed to get worse after he came back from Afghanistan. Just give him some time, he'll come around." She begins, pausing briefly to take a drink. There's a few minutes of silence as they each take a couple bites of their food. "I remember at your graduation, the two of you walked over to Will and I, and just the smile on his face told me that he had changed—for the better. I knew within just a few minutes that he was a different man and the person responsible for that was standing right next to him." She reaches to place a hand over one of Erin's. "You've made him a better man and though he's still not the best at talking about his feelings, he does care." With that, the older woman gets up from the table and takes her plate to the kitchen. Erin pushes the rest of her food around with her fork as she thinks about Mama Halstead's words.

"Are you ready for dessert?"

"Yes ma'am."

"This pie looks wonderful dear."

"Thank you. Camille shared another one of her recipes with me the other day and I figured I'd make it for tonight. The original recipe actually called for pecans, but I didn't put any in, just in case Jay wanted some. I know he hates them."

"That's sweet."

They talk some more as they finish their pieces of pie and then Erin helps with the dishes before she decides to go home.

"Thank you for joining me." Mrs. Halstead says as she gives Erin another hug before handing her a plate of leftovers.

"Thank you for inviting me."

"Of course dear, you know you're always welcome."

XXXXXX

"Mom?" Jay calls as he walks in the front door of his childhood home. He follows her voice, moving through the living room and into the dining room. "Hey."

"Hey honey , case closed?"

"Yeah." He answers as he looks into the kitchen.

"Who are the daisies for?"

"I brought some for you and-"

"Erin." She finishes for him.

"Yeah."

"Well thank you dear, but you should take both bouquets when you go talk to her tonight."

"One bouquet is enough. And besides, I'm probably not going tonight. Did she even come over?"

His mom nods. "Yeah, she left about a half hour ago."

"How is she?"

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?"

"Mom." He grumbles as he walks towards the kitchen.

"Jay." She says sternly as she stands to follow him. "The two of you need to talk."

"Yeah, I know, and we will. Just not tonight."

"Why not tonight?"

"Because-" He starts as he reheats the plate his mother made for him.

"Because isn't a good answer."

There's a long pause before he sighs. "What would I say?"

His mom shakes her head. "I don't know, maybe you could tell her how you feel?"

"Feel about what?"

"Start with her pregnancy. Let her know that she has your support." She's interrupted by the ding of the microwave, watching as Jay takes the plate out and walks back into the dining room. "And then tell her how you feel about her."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't play coy with me Jay Halstead, I know you're in love with her."

"It doesn't matter how I feel Mom, she obviously doesn't feel the same way. I thought she might have, but when she told me she was pregnant I realized how wrong I was."

"The only thing that's obvious to me is how much you two need each other." She moves to sit next to her son and wraps an arm around him. "How much you love each other."

"I thought that we could start a family together."

"Who says you can't still have that, Jay?"

"I don't know Mom."

"Go see her tonight."

He just nods as he finishes the rest of his food. Once he's done, he takes his plate to the kitchen and cleans it, keeping the same fork to eat a piece of pie.

"Alright dear, well I'm glad you stopped by, but I'm going to head to bed." She places a motherly kiss to his head.

"Ok ma, thanks for dinner. Goodnight."

"Goodnight honey." She walks to the stairs. "Oh and Jay, make sure to take that pie pan to Erin and lock the door behind you."

Jay eats the last of his piece of pie before cleaning the rest of his dirty dishes. He moves to exit the kitchen, reaching for the light switch. His hand stops as his eye catches the photo on the side of the fridge. He smiles at the picture of Erin and him on the day of their graduation, staring at it for a few moments before turning the lights off and continuing on toward the door. He sets the pie pan down on the bench in the entryway so he can put on his shoes. He picks it back up and steps out of the door, shutting it quietly behind him. His keys clink together as he moves them around for the right one. He hears the lock click, but he still turns the knob to make sure it's secure before going to his truck.

XXXXXX

He takes a deep breath as he lifts clenched hand to the door, his hand hitting the wood right next to the small gold circle with her apartment number on it. He fidgets in place as he stands there waiting until the door opens slowly and he sees her.

Her hair is wet and hanging down on her shoulders, drops of water soaking the sleeves of her shirt. She gives him a sad, tired look and he wants to scoop her up in his arms, but he feels he'd be crossing a line. So he just stands therewith the pie pan and a couple paper bags in one hand, the other holding the small bouquet against his chest.

"I'm sorry."

They speak in unison as soon as she allows him to come in. She follows behind him to the breakfast bar where he places the bags and the daisies on the counter before turning to face her.


	6. Chapter 6

_He takes a deep breath as he lifts clenched hand up to the door, his hand hitting the wood right next to the small gold circle with her apartment number on it. He fidgets in place as he stands there waiting until the door opens slowly and he sees her. _

_Her hair is wet and hanging down on her shoulders, drops of water soaking the sleeves of her shirt. She gives him a sad, tired look and he wants to scoop her up in his arms, but he feels he'd be crossing a line. So he just stands there, with the pie pan and a couple paper bags in one, the other holding the small bouquet against his chest. _

"_I'm sorry." _

_They speak in unison as soon as she allows him to come in. She follows behind him to the breakfast bar where he places the bags and the daisies on the counter before turning to face her. _

XXXXXX

"I'm sorry, I know I should have told you." She says as she grabs a vase to put the flowers in and fills it with water.

"Then why didn't you?" The softness in his voice lets her know that he's not mad.

"I don't know, I guess I was just afraid—especially after you took the job."

"What were you afraid of?" He questions and she looks down at her feet; he steps towards her and places two fingers under her chin, pushing up a little to get her to look at him.

"I didn't want to lose you and then I ended up-." She whispers, looking down again.

"You didn't lose me Erin." Jay's words have her looking back up at him, her eyes filling with more tears. "I didn't understand why you felt like you couldn't tell me, especially something that's this big. I couldn't help but feel hurt that you kept it from me." His head hangs low, feeling ashamed of how he acted and what he felt when she told him. "I know it was selfish of me to walk away, I just needed some space. But I'm really happy for you. And I want to be here for you, _both of you_. If you'll let me of course."

Her mind is going a million miles a minute, his words repeating in her head a few times. She briefly looks at him in awe before she feels her stomach lurch.

"Excuse me." She murmurs as she rushes to the half bath around the corner from the living room. Her knees hit the floor just as the contents of her stomach come up. She doesn't even realize that he's holding her hair until she reaches for some tissue to wipe her mouth. He helps her slowly get to her feet and then moves so she can rinse out her mouth. She takes a few deep breaths before turning to look at him. She gives him a small smile when she sees the worried expression on his face.

"When you're ready I have some things that might help you feel better." He backs away and goes to the living room.

XXXXXX

She sits on the couch, crossing her legs before reaching for the glass of water on the table. He moves to bring the bags to her.

She can't believe how quickly her hormones have been knocked out of whack; tears well in her eyes again when she looks in the first bag. She cautiously reaches in to pull out three books, letting the brown paper fall to the floor. She looks at him and he knows that look. She's silently scolding him but he just nods getting her to continue.

"One of the books said that ginger seemed to help with the morning sickness." He explains as she takes the box out. "And I figured you don't have any mugs that aren't made for travel, so I went and bought you some." He adds when she lifts the two mugs he got her out.

"Thank you, but I don't have just travel mugs."

He raises an eyebrow at her. "Really? Where do you keep the regular coffee mugs then?" He asks as seriously as he can but she knows he's only kidding.

She doesn't say anything as she sets the cups down and moves to hug him. "Fine, I don't have any. You seriously shouldn't have done this though Jay, but thank you."

They just stay there in each other's embrace for few more moments. He kisses her head and she slowly looks up at him. There are no words exchanged between them as they lean in slowly, but the sound of her phone ringing breaks them apart a little. He clears his throat and tries to compose himself as if that wasn't just about to happen. They both look a little disappointed as she moves to grab her phone.

She lets out a soft chuckle. "It's my sister."

He picks up the empty bags and takes them to the trash before waving to Erin. She smiles trying to hide the disappointment on her face; he can see right through and gives her a smirk.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He lifts his hand so his thumb is pointed towards the door.

"Hang on a second Nadia." Erin says before putting her sister on mute. She whispers her thanks to Jay, placing a lingering kiss on his cheek, and he's sure she saw that he was blushing as he was leaving. She slowly closes the door and locks it behind him. She's so lost in thoughts of him that she forgets that her sister is on the phone, but she's reminded when her phone rings, signalling that Nadia must have hung up and is now calling her back on her slow walk to the bedroom.

"Was that Jay before? Have you two boned yet?"

"My god Nadia, _boned_, really?" She plops down on her bed and sinks into the mattress as she leans back.

"What? Don't even try to deny that you're totally in love with him and his body looks amazing. I'm sure the sex would be mind-blowing. Why didn't you just ask him to be your baby daddy?"

"That sounds like something Kim would say, but I wouldn't know what it's like with him. Even if I did I wouldn't be talking about it with my sixteen-year-old sister."

"Why? It's what sisters are for."

"Yeah I'm sure that's exactly what Mom and Dad were thinking when they brought you into the family, that I'd have someone to talk to about my sex life or lack-there-of at some point." She feels her eyelids starting to get heavy so she puts the phone on speaker and sets it on the nightstand next to her bed. She makes herself comfortable and listens to her sister update her on life at home.

Eventually Erin starts to drift, Nadia says goodnight to her when she doesn't respond and then the phone beeps signalling that the call has ended. After that Erin feels she can truly get some sleep.

XXXXXX

After the fourth or fifth trip to the bathroom, Erin decides to give the ginger tea Jay got for her a try.

She takes her time drinking it once it's ready and she enjoys the way the warm liquid soothes her throat on the way down. After going to pee, she is able to go back to bed and get some more sleep.

She still feels a little queasy when she wakes up for the day; her stomach churns a little when she sits up in bed, so she quickly makes her way to the bathroom. Once her stomach settles and the nausea subsides, she stands up maybe a little too quickly as she feels a bout of dizziness. She trips on the small rug on her bathroom floor and falls, hitting her head on the corner of the vanity. Her head immediately begins to throb; she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths before she slowly starts getting ready for work. She makes sure her hair covers the small bump near her temple.

She makes some more tea and puts it in one of her travel mugs before heading out for the day.

XXXXXX

She's practically dragging her feet through the front lobby of the district; it's like she's moving in slow motion in comparison to the hustle and bustle around her. Then she registers Jay's voice and hears him say something about how tired she looks.

"I look that bad uh?" She quips.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. You… uh… you look great. I just-shit I'm sorry. I just know that you haven't been sleeping the greatest." He rambles nervously and Erin chuckles lightly as he seems to become more flustered by the second. His freckled cheeks turn pink and he drops a few files. She bends to help him pick them up.

"I was kidding Jay, I actually got a good amount of sleep. The tea seemed to help some too, so thank you again." She replies as she stands back up a little too quickly. Her head spins and her legs seem to give out, causing her to fall back a little.

His voice is laced with concern and worry as he catches her, letting the files they just picked up fall to the floor again. "You ok?" He asks as he helps her stand.

"Yeah, I think I just stood up too quickly." She says as she moves to retrieve the tan folders from the floor, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

He shakes his head and looks her up and down, telling her to leave the files where they are.

"I'm fi-" She counters as he slowly pulls her up. She feels the dizziness return. He keeps one hand on her while picking up the files before guiding her towards the small vacant office off to the side of the elevators.

She protests and she plants her feet.

"You need to sit down." He orders.

"I need to get to my desk so I can work."

"Erin." His voice is stern but his eyebrows are furrowed and his lips forming a slight pout telling her that he's worried.

"Jay." She says right back.

"Fine, your desk can be this one for the day, or maybe you can take a nap on the couch."

"I'm not a child Jay, you don't need to coddle me."

"No, but you are pregnant."

"Shhh." She hushes as she rubs her temples.

"Sorry, but you need to be taking it easy."

"Fine." She doesn't feel like arguing with him, so she just gives in. His hand doesn't leave the small of her back until she's seated on the black leather couch along the side of the office. She rubs her temples more and he notices the blueish purple knot on her forehead.

His hand moves of its own volition, pushing her hair back and looking at the bump a little closer. "Did you hit your head?"

"Yeah, but I'm fine." She states sternly but doesn't pull back or push him away.

He starts to text Dawson to inform him where she is but he stops himself. "Does Dawson know?"

"No."

Jay shakes his head. "When do you plan on telling him?"

"When I'm a little further along."

"You don't think you should be telling him now?"

"No, I think I should tell him when I'm ready."

"What if you get sent out into the field?"

"My vest still fits."

"That doesn't mean you should still be using it."

She pinches the bridge of her nose while her other hand is on her hip. "I'm not going to argue about this with you."

"Why would you want to put him or her in danger?" His eyes travel down to her still-flat midsection.

"Despite what you think I can take care of myself."

He sets the files down on the desk and sighs, his voice a little more stern then it was seconds ago. "I'm not questioning whether or not you can take care of yourself because I know you can."

"You know I'm feeling much better, so I'm going to go to my desk now." She says sarcastically.

"Erin." He says as he gently grabs her arm. "We promised to have each other's back. I just want you to be safe, both of you." His eyes traveling down to her abdomen.

"I promise to be careful." She looks down too and places a hand over her stomach before looking back up at him. "I'll talk to you later." She moves to leave, only making it a few feet before her head spins again. Jay catches her limp body as she falls back, laying her down on the couch. "Call a bus!"

"Erin, Erin hey can you open your eyes for me?" He says with his hand on her cheek as a look of terror flashes across his face.


	7. Chapter 7

"_I promise to be careful." She looks down and places a hand over her stomach before looking back up at him. "I'll talk to you later." She moves to leave, only making it a few feet before her head spins again. Jay catches her limp body as she falls back, laying her down on the couch. _

"_Call a bus! Erin, Erin can you open your eyes for me?" He says as a terror flashes across his face._

XXXXXX

He clutches her hand during the ride to the hospital. He gasps when he sees her eyes flutter open. He can barely understand her when she asks what happened. He gives her his usual grin, but even in her groggy state she can see the tears in his eyes and see through his façade. Suddenly she gasps and her hand shoots to her abdomen.

His eyes glance down at her midsection briefly as he places one of his hands over hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. "They know." He informs her, knowing what she was going to ask.

She nods and takes a couple deep breaths trying to relax just a little, that is until they get to the hospital.

Jay is asked to fill out paperwork and wait outside of the room while the doctor checks Erin's vitals. Her head falls back against the flat pillow on the stiff bed as the nurse wraps the blood pressure cuff around her bicep. She closes her eyes, forcing a few tears to fall, but her free hand is quick to wipe them away.

Jay is standing at the tall desks as he fills out the forms as if they were for him, answering each question with ease. He takes a few brief glances into the exam room wanting to keep an eye on her. But when he sees her hand quickly wipe at her cheeks, he turns and refocuses on the clipboard in front of him; the sooner he finishes the paperwork the sooner he can be by her side. He sighs, seeing his brother move towards him out of the corner of his eye. He knows one of the nurses told him — he expected them to — but he doesn't feel like answering to his brother right now. He slides the clipboard forward some, placing the pen on top of it before looking at his brother.

"Not now Will." He warns and then walks toward Erin's room. He can see that they're done so he gently pushes the door to the side and steps in.

Her hands are clenched in an attempt to stop them from shaking as the doctor begins to explain what happened.

"So it seems that the main reason for you fainting was a combination of you being dehydrated and having low blood sugar. The hormones that come with pregnancy can also cause the dizziness you've been experiencing. I prescribed you some medication to help keep things down so that should help keep you a little more hydrated. And the other one is for your blood sugar. We're giving you some fluids now and you'll be ready to go home in an hour or so, but we do ask that someone stay with you for at least 24 hours to ensure that your symptoms from the concussion don't progress." The doctor looks over at Jay and so does Erin.

"And what about the baby? Is he or she ok?" Worry is evident in Jay's voice and when Erin looks up she can see just how concerned he is; his brows are furrowed and his jaw clenched tight.

The doctor explains that they'll be performing an ultrasound just as the tech walks in and sets up the equipment.

Jay tells her that he'll step outside but when her eyes meet his he can see how scared she is; she's on the verge of tears and when he takes ahold of her hand she intertwines their fingers and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. She doesn't say anything — she doesn't have to — he just nods and sits back down. Their eyes are locked on each other as the tech preps everything.

Jay clears his throat when he notices that they're not using the usual ultrasound equipment. His body language quickly becomes more tense and he fidgets some in his chair.

Erin smirks at him. "You don't have to stay if you're uncomfortable Jay."

"No." He clears his throat again. "I'm good, I was just expecting the regular ultrasound." He whispers as he avoids looking at the long slender probe. His hands begin to sweat, wiping his hand on the front of his pants in quick succession and he seems to become even more uncomfortable when the doctor explains that it's too early on in Erin's pregnancy to do anything but a transvaginal ultrasound. He nods and avoids eye contact with the doctor instead choosing to focus on Erin.

Then the blonde middle aged man tells Erin that she may feel a little discomfort at first. Erin nods just before the transducer is pushed into her body, she lets out a groan of discomfort and her body tenses some.

At first the doctor stays quiet as he seems to stare at the screen and Erin's eyes close, pushing tears to run down her cheeks. Jay's free hand cups her jaw and his thumb gently wipes her tears away. His heart aches for her as the minutes pass by like hours until the doctor finally speaks.

"There we are."

Erin's eyes shoot open and over to the screen as the tech turns it a little. She looks at the screen for a moment before looking back at Jay; his eyes are still fixed on the monitor, staring at the pulsing little grey peanut shape the doctor pointed to. He has a soft smile on his face as his eyes meet hers again. He stands up and leans over to place a kiss to her forehead, careful to avoid the bruised area. His lips linger and Erin closes her eyes again. She tries to savor the moment, the image of her little one still growing inside her, the feeling of his lips, and the smell of his cologne. She wants it to be burned into her memory.

XXXXXX

"We're leaving the hospital now." Erin states into the phone. She leans her head back against the head rest and rolls her eyes while Camille lectures her about taking care of herself. She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'll be fine Mom."

Then Camille asks to talk to Jay and Erin looks over at him. "He's driving." But her mom insists on her putting her on speaker, so Erin lets out another sigh and presses the button.

"Hello Jay?"

"Yes Mrs. Voight." He runs the hand that's not on the steering wheel down from his nose to his chin.

"Can you do me a favor?" Camille asks and he looks over at Erin briefly.

"Yes ma'am."

"Will you stay with her or wait with her until someone else can get there please?" Camille asks.

Thankfully they're stopped at a red light so Jay can gauge Erin's reaction. She shrugs at him, her expression looking both annoyed and embarrassed; he smirks at her before she nods, looking at the now green light as he continues driving.

"Of course." He agrees with a nod of his head.

"Promise me you'll take care of them."

"I promise." He says as he glances at Erin again. Camille says thank you and her goodbyes just as Jays pulls into the parking lot of the pharmacy. She gives him an almost apologetic look and he shakes his head, hoping to let her know she has no reason to be sorry.

XXXXXX

"You can just put that stuff on the counter." She says as they enter her apartment.

He was about to question why he wouldn't just put them away but decides against it while he begins putting the assortment of drinks in the fridge.

She takes the medicine the doctor prescribed for her nausea and low blood sugar, finishing her glass of water before refilling it.

"I'm sure you have to get back to work."

"My unit knows to contact me if they need me. Besides I made a promise to your mom."

"She won't even know."

"She'd find out." He argues

She responds with a light chuckle. "She'd only find out if you told her." She smirks and raises her eyebrow at him when he looks surprised.

"No, remember when you promised you'd call in sick that one day when we were rookies and she found out you still went in."

"Yeah I still feel you told her about that."

"Or what about the time you said you'd let me drive and the next time you talked to her she knew that you hadn't?"

"That I know you told her about."

"If I don't stay I'd just call every half hour to check on you."

"I would-"

He interrupts, knowing what her argument will be. "If you turned off your phone or didn't answer then I would just come right back here. So you might as well pick out a restaurant to order from and face the fact that I'm all yours for the next twenty-four hours."

She smiles at him and reluctantly goes to grab the folder of take out menus she keeps in one of the drawers in the kitchen.

XXXXXX

They decide to binge watch the newest season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but once the food arrives, Erin is running off to the bathroom every few minutes before being able to get comfortable on the couch next to Jay. Half way through the second episode Erin puts her head on his shoulder and falls asleep. Jay changes the channel knowing she'll be disappointed if he watches without her; he puts on a baseball game. Eventually he decides to move them so they're both laying down which involves her laying half on top of him. Her head has moved from his shoulder to his pec and one of her legs is hooked over his hip and resting in between in his legs. He realizes in that moment that their current position is rather intimate for them and he wonders if she'll be ok with it. He contemplates waking her up so she can go to her bedroom but she looks so peaceful; her nose is nuzzled in the front of his shirt as she cuddles into him more. Her lips are parted slightly and he can feel her soft, warm breaths through the fabric covering his chest. His eyes travel down her sleeping frame and the corners of his lips curl up as he thinks about the little being growing inside of her, picturing a little mini version of her.

After a few innings, Erin begins to stir again. He glances down to see her eyelids fluttering.

She grumbles into his chest asking what time it is, not making any attempt to move. He chuckles with his answer, his chest rumbling beneath her cheek as she rubs her eyes. She hums in response when he tells her the time.

"How are you feeling?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah, honestly." He replies and it takes her a minute to answer. He puts two fingers under her chin and pushes up gently so she's looking at him.

"I'm feeling better." She admits quietly.

"Are you sure? I don't need to get you a bucket, do I? I may be able to stomach a lot but I really don't want to be thrown up on Er." He looks at her with a worried expression. He moves his hand from her jaw and rests just behind the small of her back.

She shakes her head and chuckles. "I'm not going to throw up on you Jay."

"So what's going on then?" He asks and she bites her bottom lip and turns her head away from him. "Erin?"

She pushes herself up a little, placing her hands on the couch on either side of him, leaning down so their faces are a couple inches apart. She smirks nervously and he returns a smirk of his own as she looks down at his lips. Then she's leaning in the rest of the way and their lips meet in the softest of kisses. "Thank you for being there today and staying with me now."

"Well I did make a promise to your mom." He jokes and she chuckles as she playfully pushes his shoulder. "But if it means keeping you two safe I would have stayed anyway." He admits, and it has her reattaching their lips for another, more passionate kiss. She ends up sitting in his lap as he sits up, and both of them cup the other's left cheek.

When they break for air she looks down once more hoping he misses the pink tint on her cheeks but he doesn't. He's fighting the urge to tilt her head up to peck her lips, but he leans back against the arm of the couch again instead.

The rest of the day is spent catching up on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. When she's ready to go lay down in bed she takes his hand as she stands and tugs gently, causing him to cautiously stand and follow behind her.

He stands at the threshold of her room, scratching the back of his neck. "I uh…. I can just sleep on the couch or in the spare bedroom."

"I'm sorry." She drops his hand, and takes a step back as she gives him a smirk that fails to hide the fact she's hurt. "The umm…spare bedroom doesn't have a bed but I can get you a couple of pillows and a bigger blanket if you'd be more comfortable on the couch."

"I'm good wherever, I just want _you_ to be comfortable." He cups her jaw and she nods and turns back around as they make their way into her bedroom. She leaves him to go to the bathroom, washing her face and brushing her teeth before she comes back out.

Then he walks past her and into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he gets out she's putting some pillows in the closet before setting two on the chair in the corner of the room. He tells her that she doesn't have to put her extra pillows away and reminds her that he can just sleep on the couch — even though he would really rather not.

"No, it's ok, I want to make sure you have enough room. Besides you make a really good pillow if I need one." She smiles but doesn't realizes she said the last part out loud until she hears him chuckle.

He's thinking that he would be more than okwith being her pillow as she blushes, pulling back the covers and climbing in the bed. He lays down on the other side while she turns the TV on and immediately cuddles into him. He tilts her chin up, the look in his eyes is new but also familiar. She never used to believe in the butterflies feeling, but in this moment they take flight in her stomach and her skin tingles as he leans down to kiss her lips. When he pulls back he places a kiss to her forehead as she lays her head down on his shoulder. She falls asleep quickly and once she does he turns off the TV and the bedside lamp, otherwise he won't sleep. The full moon casts just enough light into her room that he can still see her sleeping peacefully next to him. He chuckles quietly when he hears her light snores.

Not long after he falls asleep, he's woken up by the feeling of her arm moving to lay across his abdomen and her head coming to rest over his heart. His eyes remain closed for a few moments before his heavy lids open so he can look at her. Even in his groggy state he can tell she's still sleeping and he smiles down at her. The position is not much different from their position on the couch earlier. He closes his eyes again as his arm wraps around her back and his hand rests on her side; his muscles flex under her as he pulls her as close as possible and he thinks that he wouldn't mind the rest of his nights being just like this, with her in his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

Jay's dribbling the orange and black ball while standing in front of his brother on a court in their gym.

In attempt to distract his brother and keep him from winning the game, Will asks about Erin. Jay shakes his head, but can't keep himself from smiling at the mention of her name as continues to dribble the ball. Then he runs around Will and shoots a layup to win the game.

Will grabs the ball and joins his brother at the bench at the side of the basketball court. Jay answers his previous question after taking a drink of his water as they walk to the locker room.

"So have you taken her on a date yet?" Will asks as he wipes his face with a small towel from his bag.

Jay looks through the notifications on his phone, smiling when he sees a text from Erin.

"Is that her?" Will looks over his brother's shoulder.

Jay's quick to reply and lock the screen before pocketing his phone. "Since when do we talk to each other about our relationships?"

"I'm going to take that as a no. And just because we've never really talked about our relationships with each other doesn't mean I'm not going to call you out when I see you being a dumbass."

"She's almost five months pregnant." Jay regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, not knowing if she has started telling people or not. And when Will gives him a confused look he's sure he just shared news that wasn't his to tell but then his brother's voice breaks him from his thoughts.

"So?" Will shrugs "It's not like you guys just met."

Jay releases a breath after hearing his brother's calm response, reminding himself that Will was there when Erin was rushed into the ED at Med.

Jay shakes his head to stop himself from overthinking. "I just don't want to mess things up and I'm not sure a relationship is something she really wants to tackle right now."

"Is that what you've been telling yourself when you go to sleep in her bed a couple times a week?"

Jay rolls his eyes and sighs. He regrets letting it slip that he was going to spend the night at her place _again_, because now his brother won't let it go. "Nothing has happened." He shrugs as they get to their lockers.

"What's really stopping you Jay?"

Jay thinks about his brother's words as he drinks from his stainless steel bottle and then runs his hand over the scruff around his lips and chin.

"You should take your shot before someone else beats you to it."

Jay huffs and Will gives him another one of his confused looks "Like you took your shot with Natalie?"

Will chuckles and grins at that. "She's my fiancé, so I'm going to go with yes."

"Yeah, but it took you a while to get your shit together before she became your fiancé."

"That's fair." Will agrees as they walk outside. "But seriously little brother, you should ask her out—or at least invite her to Tommy's wedding."

"Maybe I will." Jay says as he zips up his hoodie just before they get to his truck.

XXXXXX

Erin is just getting ready to head out when Jay walks into the bullpen, still dressed in some of his S.W.A.T gear. His face is practically buried in whatever he's reading, so she takes the opportunity to admire the stubble along his jaw and smiles. He doesn't even look up as he makes his way into Dawson's office.

When he comes back out a few moments later without the file in his hand, his eyes meet hers from across the room and the corners of his lips curl up when he sees her dimples pop. He feels like he hasn't talked to her in forever, even though they were texting that morning and he spent the night two days ago.

She pulls at the sides of her flannel in a feeble attempt to hide the tiny swell of her belly. She gives him a questioning look as he takes the last couple steps toward her and his eyes stay trained on her baby bump for a few more moments.

He leans on her desk as her gaze shifts back down. "How is it that you're on desk duty but still the last one to leave?"

"I'm not on full desk duty, they let me question a witness today." She chuckles, but it's not accompanied with a smile which tells him that she's upset about it. He looks around to make sure no one will witness him standing up and leaning over to peck her lips. He then decides to change the subject and she seems to welcome it.

"How have you been feeling?"

She shrugs, looking at the mess of files sprawled out in front of her. "Ok, I've just been a little more tired."

"You should be going home to get some rest then." He adds as he organizes the files on her desk into a neat pile before putting them in the top drawer. She nods, leaning over her chair to shut down her computer before pulling on her black jacket.

"I um….was wondering if you… my uh…my cousin Tommy's wedding is next Saturday, and my mom RSVP'd for me and a plus one before I even got my invite." He scratches the back of his neck.

She stands on the tips of her toes to whisper in his ear, "I'd love to go." Dropping back down to her normal height, she continues, "That is where you were going with this, right? Because if it's not then forget-" She shakes her head, suddenly feeling embarrassed as they walk to the elevator.

He chuckles quietly as she begins to ramble, telling himself that he probably sounds just like she does in that moment. "Erin, Er…."

She looks up at him bashfully in the elevator.

He grins at her and pecks her lips again. "That's exactly what I was going to ask."

The walk out to her Jeep is silent with both of them stealing quick glances at the other.

She nervously mentions that the newest episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine is on and he smiles, telling her that he'll grab some take out on his way over.

XXXXXX

"Fuuuucck." She drags out the word as she throws yet another dress across the room. She silently scolds herself for not trying on the dress she bought for tonight. "Nothing fucking fits me."

"Erin, you ok?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." She shouts as she rummages through the small pile of dresses on the floor. She picks up the one she started with, glancing at it briefly. She sucks in a deep breath and shimmies herself into it again. She walks to the bathroom and gives herself a once over before turning off the light and walking out to the living room.

The clicking of her heels has him looking up from his phone. His mouth becomes dry—even though he just drank a whole bottle of water—and his heart pounds in his chest as she comes closer and closer to him. His eyes start at her feet and make their way up her smooth muscular legs, traveling higher he takes a moment to enjoy how the grey material of her dress shows the roundness of her hips and accentuates the beautiful small bump that is now her belly as well as her fuller breasts. Her hair is curled and pinned up slightly and swept to the side. Her makeup is light except for her lips which are painted a dark shade of red that matches her heels.

"I hope this is ok? Apparently I'm not going to be able to put off getting more new clothes."

"Uh…wow, you look amazing."

"Thank you, and look at you. I guess you have at least one nice suit." She jokes and he pretends to be hurt.

"Hey, I have nice suits."

She's thinking that he makes every suit look nice as she puts her phone in the small handbag she's bringing.

"We should probably get going if we're going to get there on time." He nods toward the door as he stands to the side of her.

She nods her head as they move down the hall, pausing to lock the door behind them before they make their way to the elevator. Her heels make him nervous, so he keeps his hand at the small of her back until he helps her get into his truck.

XXXXXX

"Oh Erin, I'm so glad you could make it. You look beautiful" Mrs. Halstead says excitedly as she gives Erin a hug.

"Thank you."

"And you look handsome Jay, I just wish you would have shaved." Mrs. Halstead says lightheartedly as she gives her younger son a hug. She takes a step back and turns her attention back on Erin asking a few questions before she's being called from across the hall.

"Are you hungry?" Jay asks after his mom walks away; he expects her to say yes, but she shakes her head and scrunches her nose. He knows she's been getting sick just at the sight of seafood, so he offers to see if there's any on the table before she goes to make a plate. She blushes, not actually answering his question as he takes her hand and they make their way to their assigned table where Will and Natalie are already seated.

"Wow." Will looks almost surprised as Jay pulls a chair out for Erin.

"Thank you." She whispers to Jay, giving him a quick kiss on his cheek. She sits down before turning to look at Natalie. "You both look great." Erin gives them a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes and they both nod and say thank you back as Jay walks to the long table of food. He scopes it out and walks back to their table, except when he gets there Erin's gone and he looks at his brother for an explanation, noticing that his sister-in-law to be is also not there.

Will looks at his brother confused and shrugs. "I just offered her some shrimp and she ran off."

Jay sighs and goes to the restroom. He knocks and talks to her through the door. "Erin are you ok?"

He hears heels nearing the door but when the door opens, he's not met with his favorite pair of hazel eyes. Natalie has her head turned away from him for a minute, before she looks at him. "Jay hey, can you go to the hotel gift shop and get one of those travel toothbrush and toothpaste packs?"

His brows furrow as he nods. "Uh…yeah, is she ok? Does she need anything else?"

Natalie looks away once more and then looks back at him and nods. "Give me your jacket."

"Ok." He says confused as he rolls his shoulders and pulls his arms out of the black material. "I'll be right back."

Natalie walks back to where Erin is still hunched over the toilet. She sees her pat the sides of her mouth with some tissue before flushing and standing up straight.

"Jay's getting you a toothbrush and toothpaste."

"Thank you." Erin murmurs, walking over to the sink. "I can't believe I ripped my dress, I haven't even been wearing it for two hours." She washes her hands thoroughly before drying them off. The mirror is too small to try and see the tear that is down her back.

"I ripped a pair of my scrub pants when I was pregnant with Owen." Natalie chuckles. "I was so embarrassed because they had an elastic band and were really baggy and I still ripped them. Will was there when it happened and managed to get me another pair."

"The Halstead brothers certainly are good men, aren't they?"

"They have their moments." Natalie jokes causing Erin to chuckle just as there's another knock on the door.

"I got the toothbrush and toothpaste." Jay announces while opening the door just enough to show them the bag.

"Thank you." Natalie and Erin say in unison.

Natalie takes the bag and hands it to Erin. She nods her thanks and turns back towards the sink. Natalie lays the jacket on the counter and exits the small room while Erin rinses her mouth and brushes her teeth. She pulls out her lipstick from her small purse and reapplies it. After she's done with the mirror she puts the toothbrush and paste back in the bag before putting Jay's jacket on. She drowns in it but she appreciates that people won't see that her dress is ripped.

Jay is leaning back against the wall just outside the restroom when she comes out.

"You ok?" Erin asks with a light chuckle and he looks over at her with a relieved expression on his face.

His eyes are glassy and he has three frown lines wrinkling his forehead. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"No, because I'm fine. Thank you for this stuff."

"No problem. Do you want me to take you home?" He asks and she begins to shake her head before he even finishes the question. "Are you sure?"

She nods and leans against him. "I want to stay."

"Just let me know when you're ready and we'll go." He wraps his arms around her back and places a kiss to her temple.

XXXXXX

After he's done eating and she finishes picking at her food, they walk up to the newlyweds and give them their congratulations and it's returned to them. Erin's eyebrows furrow in confusion when Jay just thanks them. She wants to question him about it, but he's gently pulling her to the dance floor.

"You really look beautiful tonight." He whispers to her.

She looks down, blushing. "Thank you."

"I mean, you look beautiful all the time but-"

She can tell he's nervous so she leans in and attaches their lips, effectively stopping him from rambling. His body practically melts against hers as they continue to sway to the music.

Jay looks around and sees his brother pointing his finger at him and then moving it to Erin. He's trying to tell him something but Jay doesn't care to figure it out, so he looks away.

"You know I agree with your mom on most things." Erin states randomly, getting his attention so his eyes are locked on hers. He chuckles and nods in attempt to get her to explain. Her hand moves to cup his jaw. "But I like the scruff."

"I think it adds to my rugged good looks." He jokes and she just smiles and looks down. He moves to place a kiss to her head, his lips lingering for a minute before she looks back up at him. They lean in slowly, stopping for a moment, and then their lips are meeting. It starts as a soft gentle kiss, but her hands move from his shoulders to the back of his neck, her fingers weaving just below his hair and she pulls him down more to deepen the kiss. His hand travels under his jacket that she's still wearing and to the middle of her back. She pulls away when his hand connects with the skin exposed by the tear in her dress. She's grateful that the lights in hall are set low as her cheeks burn bright red with embarrassment.

"Doesn't change anything I just said." He whispers into her ear and she bites her bottom lip, successfully concealing a smile.

The song ends, and the DJ announces that they'll be doing the bouquet and garter toss. The bride moves to stand in front of the dance floor and smiles bright as she turns around, music starts and then she throws it.

Erin's not even paying attention as the purple and white bouquet is hitting her in the chest and her reflexes cause her to catch it by the ribbon wrapped around the stems. She looks over at him again and he shrugs giving her a cute, smug grin as the women move off the dance floor and the men move on.

After the garter toss, he asks her if she's ready to go and she nods. He takes her hand and walks with her to the table so she can grab her things before guiding her over to one of the tables near the front of the banquet hall to say goodnight to his mom before they leave.

XXXXXX

He parks his truck just in front of the steps of her building and turns off the ignition.

Like the gentleman he is he walks with her up to her condo and stops just a few feet away from her door.

He's got his hands in his pockets and is keeping his distance; afraid that he wouldn't be able to control himself if he got too close to her. "Thank you for coming with me tonight."

"Thank you for inviting me and letting me use your jacket." She replies as she unlocks the door; shrugging out of the warm black sleeves. He nods not being able to stop his eyes from wandering and traveling down the slit in the back of her dress. The black lace of her panties taunts him, he clears his throat in attempt to mask a groan from escaping his lips.

"Uh….I guess I should let you go to sleep, so… goodnight Er."

She's disappointed by his words, and from what she can see, he feels the same way. She takes a step towards him and leans in to give him a kiss. When they break apart their eyes are dark with desire. "I'm actually not tired." Her voice is low and her right eyebrow is raised as she toys with the top button of his shirt. She places a feather light kiss to the scar near his collarbone and then traces it with her finger; watching as his Adam's apple bobs. She nips just below his ear and then kisses the same spot. She whispers, "But if you need to go-"

She doesn't finish her sentence before he's reattaching their lips and gently moving them into her apartment. The door is slammed shut with his foot and his jacket is thrown towards the hooks hung in the entryway before they stumble to the bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

_Like the gentleman he is, he walks with her up to her condo and stops a few feet away from her door._

_He's got his hands in his pockets and is keeping his distance; afraid that he wouldn't be able to control himself if he got too close to her. "Thank you for coming with me tonight."_

_"Thank you for inviting me, and letting me use your jacket." She replies as she unlocks the door, shrugging out of the warm black sleeves. He nods, unable to stop his eyes from wandering and traveling down the slit in the back of her dress. The black lace of her panties taunts him, and he clears his throat in attempt to mask a moan from escaping his lips._

_"Uh….I should let you go to sleep, so goodnight Erin." She seems just as disappointed as he is with his words._

_She takes a step towards him and leans in to give him a kiss. When they break apart their eyes are dark with desire. "I'm actually not tired." She whispers against his lips, giving him a few pecks. "But if you need to go-"_

_She doesn't finish her sentence before he's gently pushing her back into the apartment. The door is slammed shut with his foot and he throws the jacket she was just wearing near the hooks hung in the entryway. She leaves kisses along his jaw, his stubble tickling her lips before she moves to his neck. Her fingers work quickly to unbutton the top buttons on his dress shirt but then he stops her. Her eyebrows knit together as she looks up at him_.

XXXXXX

"Are you sure?" He asks and she nods, placing a kiss to his lips again. "Use your words Erin."

"I want this, but if you don't. I-I get it." She takes a step away but his hands are still around her waist and he pulls her back into him.

"I wouldn't have come in if I didn't. I just need to know that you're ok with it." This time he's the one that leans down to attach their lips. Her fingers resume unbuttoning his shirt before working on his belt, but his hands halt her moves as they make their way to the bedroom. She feels him try to unzip the dress, but when he doesn't succeed, he breaks his lips from hers.

"It's already ripped." Her voice is raspier than he's used to and his eyes turn from a dark green to black as his hands grab at the tear along her back. She gasps when the dress is torn from her body, feeling as though she can truly breathe again. The sound of the grey material ripping the rest of the way does something to both of them and their moves become a little quicker. The fabric falls to the floor with a light thud, now resembling more of a rug than a dress.

His hungry eyes take in her body as she stands there in front of him.

Then Erin feels the same weird fluttering sensations in stomach, causing her hands to fall from his chest to her bump.

The sharp intake of breath that comes from her has him taking a step back and giving her a concerned look. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." Her eyes stay fixed on her belly for a few more seconds.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I felt this when we were on the dance floor earlier, but I thought I was just imagining things." She says just as it happens again. "I think the baby's moving."

He looks at her with an excited expression on his face and she grabs his hand and places it on her bump. She figures he won't be able to feel it, but it doesn't stop him from rubbing his thumb over the smooth skin of her belly.

She leans over to give him yet another kiss and she feels it again, pulling away from him to look down. He chuckles knowing the baby moved again without even having to ask.

After what seems like hours her eyes meet his again. They are still dark with desire and it causes her hands to resume teasing the waistband of his pants again, just for his hands to wrap around her wrists to stop her from continuing. He tells her that he can't and his words cause her face to fall. Tears well in her eyes as her insecurities of about her body take over her thoughts and she begins to feel more self-conscious as the seconds tick by. She reaches for a pillow to cover herself with and takes the opportunity to blink back her tears.

He pulls her back into him and bends down to kiss her shoulder; pulling the pillow out from between them. "You're beautiful." Then he pauses and she looks at him with her sad eyes. He leans down to attach their lips in a brief feather light kiss. "And I want this. But I don't want to hurt him or you." She nods and starts to walk away. For a second he thinks about stopping her, but he lets her go.

She's in the bathroom for a good twenty minutes before she comes out and he stops pacing in front of the bed to look at her. Her hair is down and damp, her face bare and she's dressed in a oversized grey t-shirt.

He can tell she still feels self-conscious as she pulls her shirt down as much as she can, and moves to the side of the bed to climb in and cover up quickly. He goes to sit next to her and cups her jaw. That's when he notices how puffy and red her eyes are and it causes his heart to ache even more. He apologizes again, but she just shakes her head and kisses his lips. She pulls back after a beat, letting them both catch their breath and then he pecks her lips a couple more times before standing up.

She wants to ask him to stay but she can't find it in her, so she swallows the lump forming in her throat as he gets to her bedroom door. But then he continues forward toward the bathroom and re-emerges a few minutes later in just his boxers. He gives her a look—silently asking if he can stay—and it seems as though she's lost her ability to speak as she gives a quick nod. She can't stop herself from smiling as he climbs onto the other side of the bed.

He lays down and she moves to cuddle into his side. A few minutes go by and both of them think the other has fallen asleep but then she breaks the silence and mumbles against the skin of his pec. "It's a girl by the way."

He looks at her with his eyebrows furrowed, not quite sure where that came from.

Her eyes focus on her finger tracing patterns on his abs. "You keep saying _he_ or _him_, but I'm having a girl."

"I thought you hadn't found out yet." Now he's even more confused, and she looks up at him with a small smile.

"I haven't."

"Are you going to find out?"

"You know that I'm not patient enough to wait." She looks up at him then.

He chuckles as he looks into her eyes. "I can't argue that."

She lightly smacks his lower abdomen causing him to jump a little.

He chuckles as he asks when she'll be able to find out.

"My next appointment, and then you'll know what I already know, which is that _she's_ a girl."

His chest rumbles under her cheek as he laughs "We'll see."

The combination of his thumb tracing patterns on her hip and the steady beating of his heart lulls her to sleep. He smiles down at her as his right hand moves to lay on her belly.

"Sorry if we bothered you little guy." He whispers before turning off the light and going to sleep.

XXXXXX

The feeling of his thumb running over the fabric covering her belly has her stirring next to him but she stays just within that state of slumber for a couple minutes before she wakes up. She keeps her eyes closed for a bit until she can't fight the urge to see him any longer. He's a beautiful man, she's never had any doubt about that but seeing him lying in her bed does something to her. The way the early morning sun casts a faint glow over his skin and knowing that he only has his boxers on has the dull ache from last night return in her lower abdomen. She bites her lip as she takes in his sleepy eyes and crooked grin. Her hand moves to cup his jaw, her thumb swiping back and forth over the reddish brown stubble. The coarse hair sends tingles through her skin just before she leans in to give him a kiss.

The sound of one of their phones vibrating on the nightstand has them pulling apart and Jay just reaches over to press the volume button to silence it, bearing his weight on his right forearm. She reaches to grab the phone out of his hand and swipes her thumb across the screen.

"Hey Kim." She pushes him back gently, despite the urge to pull him down so he's flush against her body.

"Are you ok? This is my third time calling."

"Yeah, I'm…." She looks at Jay and gives him a smirk as she bites her lip. "I'm good."

"Good, cause I'm walking up to your place right now." Kim says.

Erin feels herself panic a little and sits up, causing Jay to give a concerned look. "Ok, I'll be out in just a few minutes." She hangs up and moves to get out of the bed.

"Hey, where are you going?" His morning voice is intoxicating and it makes her want to barricade the door and stay cuddled in bed with him for the rest of the day. But she shakes her head, knowing that with their jobs she can't push it back again. She places one hand on his chest as she leans in to give him a kiss.

"We're going furniture shopping for the nursery." She murmurs.

"Is Kim already here?"

"She's on her way up." Erin answers as she gets out of bed and starts grabbing some clothes before disappearing into the bathroom.

He's about to ask what she's going to tell Kim when there's a knock at the front door and then her cell rings again. He takes the phone to her and she's pulling her yoga pants up her legs.

He jokes about sneaking down the fire escape and she smiles at him.

Kim is rambling about drinking too much coffee and asking if she can come in because she has to go to the bathroom.

"Yeah, just a sec." Erin answers and then hangs up again, turning her attention back to Jay. "No you shouldn't." She can't stop kissing him, and leans in to give his lips a quick peck. "But maybe you can hide in the nursery." She gives him one more kiss as she leaves the bathroom, slipping her shirt on as she moves towards the front of her apartment. He follows behind her and catches the articles of his clothing that she throws at him. She looks back and waits for him to walk into the room.

"Thank you!" Kim exclaims as she walks into the apartment. She quickly makes her way to Erin's bedroom, but stops when she hears a loud thud come from the nursery. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Erin questions as Kim opens the door to reveal Jay zipping the front of his pants, the white dress shirt he's wearing is open showing off his muscular chest and abdomen.

Kim looks confused, her eyebrows furrowed as she looks back at Erin, who's avoiding eye contact with her friend, instead choosing to look at the floor. Her cheeks are burning red and she's biting the tip of her thumb nail. "Wait did you guys-?" Kim cuts herself short, looking back and forth between Erin and Jay. "Noo!"

"Well I'm going to go, I'll talk to you later Er." Jay states as he finishes getting his shoes on and walks over to Erin.

Erin clears her throat in hopes that Kim will give her and Jay a moment but Kim can't seem to focus, her mind is too busy processing this new information. "Kim." She gets her attention then. "I thought you had to pee?"

Kim gives them a smug look and nods, taking the hint.

Once they hear the door close down the hall, they both chuckle. "That didn't go as planned." Jay jokes as he leans down to give her a kiss, one that he hopes will hold him off until they see each other again. They take turns pecking the other's lips before pulling away.

"No it certainly didn't. What happened?"

"I tripped, and stopped myself from falling with the wall."

Erin can't stop herself from laughing. He's told her how messy she is on more than one occasion so she's not surprised when he tells her it was one of her shoes that he tripped on. She apologizes as she hurriedly helps him button his shirt as they hear the toilet flush.

He watches her delicate fingers push the second to last button through its loop. "So the Hawks game is at one today."

Her eyebrow raising is her only response.

"Should I record it?" He asks and she nods as they hear Kim say something as she makes her way back down the hall.

"I'll see you tonight." Erin whispers.

"I can't believe you guys-" Kim rounds the corner and stops herself when she sees that Jay is still standing there.

"Bye Kim." And with that he turns to leave.

"Bye Jay." Kim giggles as Erin closes the door behind him.

The girly squeal that comes from Kim causes Erin to jump as she grabs her shoes.

"Finally!"

Erin chuckles as Kim throws all sorts of questions at her, just shaking her head while tying her shoes. "We should go before I change my mind."

"You're not allowed to change your mind. Or the subject." Kim argues

"I can do both actually." Erin says as she opens the front door letting Kim go through first before following her and locking up.

"Fine I'll drop it."

"Thank you." Erin pockets her keys.

"But only if you tell me how it was. Come on Erin." Kim practically begs.

Erin thinks about last night and she shakes her head, and that same disappointed look from last night makes its way onto her face.

Kim doesn't miss it, quickly asking her friendwhat's wrong.

"Nothing happened. I mean, I _wanted_ something to happen, and I think he did too ― at least that's what he said but he said he couldn't do it – that he didn't want to hurt us." They get to the car and both hop in.

Kim buckles her seatbelt and says something about not being surprised, but Erin didn't quite catch it as she runs through the events of last night. She's not sure if shaking her head is an appropriate response to the question she was just asked but she goes with it and begins driving.

XXXXXX

"I wish you already knew the gender." Kim says as she pushes the cart through the clothing area.

"Jay thinks it's a boy."

"Aww that's cute that you talked about it with him." Kim gushes and Erin rolls her eyes as she looks through the rack of baby clothes. "Look at this little Henley, if it is a boy you could dress him like his daddy."

"Kim." Erin warns as she throws a few pairs of gender neutral pajamas in the cart and then they make their way to the register.

XXXXXX

She makes herself comfortable on his couch while he gets them both something to drink. After he sets the glasses of water on the table and sits down next to her, he asks her about her shopping trip with Kim and if she found any furniture.

She shakes her head. "Well technically yes, but we went to that furniture store by my apartment and the one I wanted was already sold."

"Did you ask when they'll be getting more?" He sits back a little more and holds his arm up for her to curl into his side.

"It was the only set."

"Maybe you'll find something that you'll like more." He suggests and she nods.

"I hope so." She nods as she presses play.

Once she falls asleep, he pulls out his phone and texts Kim.

Jay- _Do you happen to have a picture of the furniture set Erin liked?_

He doesn't have to wait long before his phone dings quietly next to his thigh.

Kim-_Yeah but it was sold._

Jay-_She told me but I have a guy that may be able to make something similar._

Kim-_Does she know what you're up to?_

Jay-_No and I'd like it to stay that way._

Kim-_That's so sweet *heart eye emoji*_

She sends the pictures right after and he looks it over before saving it to his gallery and putting the phone down on the cushion next to him. He looks down at Erin who's still sleeping soundly against him, leaning down to place a kiss to the crown of her head. Gently moving her off of him, he stands up and turns off the TV before he puts an arm under her knees and slides his other arm under her shoulder blades. She mumbles something against his chest as he carries her to his room but he just continues on.

The smell of his cologne envelops her when she's laid down on his bed and she expects him to climb in next to her shortly after, but when a few minutes pass and she's still laying there by herself she opens her eyes to find the room completely dark, the only light coming from under the door leading out to the living room.

She rubs her eyes and gets off of the bed to go see what he's doing. Her bare feet get cold quickly so she tips toes to where he's sitting at his small kitchen table, staring intently at his laptop. She was about to ask what he's doing, but he hits a few more keys and then he shuts the laptop. He stands up and kisses her before taking her hand in his and leading her back to his bedroom. But this time, he climbs into bed with her and she's able to cuddle into him, completely unaware of the little plan he just came up with.


	10. Chapter 10

She tries her hardest not to wake him as she removes his arm from around her waist and sits up in bed. But as soon as she starts scooting towards the edge, his hand wraps around her wrist. She looks back as he too sits up.

"Why are you up so early?"

"I have my doctor's appointment, remember?" She states and he nods. She stands from the bed and walks to the bathroom without another word.

He's just putting his shirt on from last night when she walks into the room.

"So I guess I'll see you later?" He asks and she nods bashfully. "Is everything ok?" His voice is laced with concern.

"I was wondering if maybe you'd…" she mutters but stops herself short, feeling as though it's too soon to ask him to come with her. She's also a little afraid that he wouldn't want to come. "Never mind." She shakes her head and looks down.

He walks over to her and tilts her head up, placing a gentle kiss to her lips. "What were you going to ask?" He asks in hushed tone.

"Nothing."

"_Erin._" He says sternly.

She chews her lip a little before mumbling, "I was wondering if maybe you'd want to come with?"

He kisses her lips again. "I'd love to."

She sensed there was a 'but', but it never came. She smiles and gives him another kiss before they make their way to the kitchen.

XXXXXX

When he sees her start to chew on her nails, Jay gently pulls her hand away from her face. And when her knee starts to bounce, he rests his hand on her thigh. He bends down a little to kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear. "You're making me nervous."

The doctor walks in and greets them both cheerfully before she starts to ask a few routine questions, laughing at Erin's short answers as she senses the first time mom's nervousness.

She then explains what they will be looking at today as she applies the blue gel to Erin's bump and the tech preps the machine. "Are looking to find out the gender today?" The doctor asks when she begins moving the wand over Erin's belly.

Erin nods as she looks over at her; Jay's hand is clenched tightly in Erin's as they both look at the screen. Even though this is the second ultrasound he's seen, he's still in awe at the fact that there is a baby growing inside of her.

"Ok here we are." The doctor announces, breaking both of them from their daze. She tells them that the baby is in the perfect position.

Erin's eyes water even more when the doctor asks if she's sure she wants to find out the gender. She feels the need to look at Jay before she turns her attention back to the woman on the other side of her and nods.

The doctor moves the wand around just a little more. "Congratulations you're having a little boy. And he looks like he's developing beautifully. Would you like pictures?"

Erin seems to be in shock and doesn't answer the doctor.

Jay looks at Erin - expecting her to eventually give the doctor some kind of answer - but she just continues to stare at the screen. He lists the people he thinks would want a picture in his head and then adds two more on top of that for himself and Erin and then he gives that number to the doctor.

"We'll have them ready for you when you're done getting cleaned up and dressed. Congratulations again and I'll see you at your next appointment."

Erin still hasn't moved even after the doctor has left and it's just her and Jay in the room. He squeezes her hand and shakes her knee a little but she continues to stare forward. "Erin." He utters trying to get her attention. "Erin." He repeats, moving to stand in front of her instead of at her side.

She moves suddenly, wiping the gel from her skin before she stands up and starts to get dressed. They walk out of the room together and get the sonogram photos before leaving the hospital.

Once they're in the car he hears her sniffle and he immediately turns to look at her. "Hey what's wrong?" he questions.

"Nothing." She mumbles sadly, and then she sniffles again.

"You can tell me." He offers sincerely and she ponders for a moment.

"You were right." Another sniffle. "I thought I was having a girl."

"I didn't think it'd matter to you if you were having a girl or a boy."

"I'm not upset that I'm having a boy." Her voice contradicting her words.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I didn't know Jay, and he's growing inside of me. I didn't know." She sobs and Jay's a little taken aback. He's not used to seeing her so fragile - so vulnerable. He moves both of his hands to cup her face.

"We were just guessing, we both had a fifty-fifty chance of being right." He assures and she nods but averts her eyes down as more tears roll down her cheeks. He leans in to mold his lips to hers. "You're going be an amazing mom to your son Erin." He whispers and the corners of her lips curl up in a small smile. She leans in and gives him a kiss.

XXXXXX

"Jay Halstead, what brings you by?" A heavier set guy with black hair, quite a bit shorter than Jay bellows as Jay walks into the small family-owned antique shop just outside of Chicago.

"Hey Drew. You still building furniture?"

"You know it, why what's up?"

"I need a nursery furniture set."

"You expecting? You're not even showing yet." Drew jokes as he scratches at his thick black beard. Jay chuckles and shakes his head as he pulls up the picture of the wooden crib and dressers before handing his old friend the phone.

"So you want me to replicate this set?"

"No, but I want something similar." Jay answers. Drew nods, grabbing a note pad and starts doodling on the yellow paper. "I have two dressers that I've started that I would just have to change a bit and I can modify the one into a dresser and changing table. The crib will take a few weeks." He shows Jay the small sketch.

"Looks good to me, when can we start?"

"We?"

"Yeah I'm going to help."

"Alright, we can start now." Drew states, turning to the teenage girl sitting behind the desk with ear buds in as she scrolls through her phone. "Hey watch for customers, if you need anything come and get me." Drew told her before leading Jay to the workshop in the back of the store.

They work on the changing table for a few hours, attaching and rounding the edges before applying a nontoxic clear coat.

XXXXXX

Jay divides what little free time he has between helping Drew and spending time with Erin. They finish the two dressers in just over two weeks, then start on the crib. And after another three weeks, the set is done.

Both Drew and Jay stand back and look proudly at the light tan furniture.

"Think your girl will like it?" Drew asks as he pats Jay on the shoulder.

"I hope so." Jay says as he tries to picture Erin's reaction when she sees what they've made. The more he thinks about it, the more nervous he gets.

"Just let me know when you need it delivered and I'll help you set it up."

"Great, thanks Drew."

"No problem, it's been fun."

"Yeah, it has." Jay nods, still looking at the pieces in front of them. He bids Drew goodbye before he heads over to Erin's for the baseball game. Once he gets into his truck, he calls Kim to come up with a plan to get Erin out of the condo for a few hours this weekend so he can finish the nursery for her.

Kim yells excitedly about taking Erin to a prenatal yoga class and Jay has to pull the phone away from his ear some. Then she says bye and hangs up before he can say anything else. He laughs to himself and shakes his head as he throws his phone in the cup holder before shifting the gear into drive and heading towards Erin's place.

XXXXXX

After their yoga class, Kim decides to take Erin to the little baby boutique next the studio and texts Jay as they're checking out.

Kim- _'We're about to head back now_.'

_Jay- 'Everything's ready. Do you need help bringing things up?' _

Kim- _'No thank you, we got it.'_

When they get to the condo, Erin holds the bags from the boutique in one hand and unlocks the door with the other while Kim holds the yoga mat and gym bag. Jay rounds the corner and takes Erin by surprise.

"Jay what are you doing here?"

"I uh…I have a surprise for you." He replies as he goes and takes the little blue paper bags out of her hand. He guides her to the room just around the corner, the bags swaying against her back with each step they take. Kim follows behind them, wanting to see what he did. Jay takes a deep breath as he moves to open the door. Erin stands frozen there, her hands covering her mouth as she gasps, tears instantly start rolling down her cheeks when she sees her son's finished nursery. Kim gently guides her the rest of the way in, taking a quick peek.

Jay leans against the doorframe as Kim walks back into the hall. "You did good Jay."

"Thanks Kim."

"This looks like the set I wanted, but it's a little different." Erin stated, confusion evident in het voice.

"I had Kim send me a picture of the set you wanted and then took it to a guy I know from high school and we built this."

"You built this?" She asks as she looks at the grey and tan shiplap wall and then around the light grey walls. The light tan shelves hung in the corner of the room hold a dozen books and a few stuffed animals. The grey chair in the corner has a grey and white little ottoman in front of it and a white knitted blanket over the top. When she looks back at him, he nods nervously - still not sure if she likes it or not. "And you knew about this?" she looks at Kim.

"Not really." Kim answers and Erin can't help but cry. Jay moves to hold her as he sees tears streaming down her cheeks, and Kim sneaks out to allow them some privacy.

"I'm sorry if you don't like it, I can take it out."

"No, no I love it." She mumbles into his chest. "I just can't believe you did all of this."

"I know you, and I know if it wasn't done soon you were either going to try to do it yourself or little man was going to be sleeping on the couch." He jokes and she laughs quietly at that. "I just wanted it to be perfect for you." He explains as she walks over to the crib and runs her hand along the smooth side while looking down at where her son will lay in a few months' time. She looks back at Jay as he moves to stand behind her, once again wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her bump.

She turns in his embrace, murmuring her thanks and about how perfect everything is as she leans in to attach their lips.

He swears she runs her hand over every piece of furniture at least three times. He watching her admire each detail before going to finish making their dinner.

He stops in the doorway and looks back at her again – smiling when he sees her dimples pop as she looks at the crib again.


	11. Chapter 11

She's sitting on the floor of her living room surrounded by the pieces to the stroller her parents sent. She's looking over the instructions when her phone rings on the coffee table. She leans forward to grab it, but her seven month bump stops her and she has to rock her body back and forth a few times to get a little closer to the table, her hand snatching the phone off the dark brown wood.

"Hey babe can you open the door please?" Jay huffs into the phone and she smiles at the new pet name.

"Yeah just give me a minute." She uses the couch to push herself up and then she waddles to the door.

"Hey." He says giving her a quick peck as he walks in.

"Hey, what took you so long?"

"It's starting to snow, and everyone is acting like they don't know how to drive so getting anywhere takes two times as long." He puts the grocery bags on the counter and looks over at the mess of parts on the floor. "I thought you agreed to wait for me to put the stroller together."

"You took too long."

"Erin." He begins. She gives him a stern look that she hopes will stop him from giving her a lecture - it doesn't work. "You shouldn't be sitting on the floor at this stage in your pregnancy."

"I came to open the door, didn't I?"

"That's not the point."

"What's your point then Jay? Because every time I turn around someone else is telling me I shouldn't be doing this and I shouldn't be doing that. I can do whatever the hell I want." She storms off as quickly as she possibly can, and when he gently grabs her arm, she shoves his hand off.

"Erin." He tries to explain himself but she just continues to her room. The door slams shut behind her and he decides to let her cool off while he puts the groceries away.

Once he's done he cautiously walks down the hall. He's somewhat surprised to find that the door isn't locked, so he turns the knob slowly and peeks inside. She's cuddled up with her pregnancy pillow in the same way she usually cuddles with him as of late; her arms are both wrapped around the pillow and her one leg is thrown over it and bent at the knee slightly. He walks over to the side of the bed and when he sees that she's sleeping, he leans down and kisses her cheek before leaving the room.

He looks at the stroller pieces and decides to put it together.

When she wakes up she goes to pee and then she makes her way out to the living room. She smiles when she sees the stroller all put together, but then frowns when she doesn't see Jay. She stands there for a few moments, getting teary eyed as she looks at the stroller. Then the dryer starts up and he walks out with a hamper in his hands.

"Hey." He says as he sets the laundry basket on the couch and pulls out a little onesie.

"I'm sorry." She whispers and he finishes rolling the little yellow onesie.

"I know you're sick of everyone telling you what you should and shouldn't do, but we want you and little man safe." He states as he motions to her belly.

"I appreciate that Jay, but what could possibly happen by me putting a stroller together?"

"You could have fallen while trying to get back up."

"I could fall doing anything." She comments and he gives her a look that tells she's not making her case. "What would you like me to do? He is going to be here in less than two months and I want to get everything together before he makes his appearance."

"I want you to let me help you."

"But you've already done so much."

"When it comes to you two, I'm all in and I want to help in whatever way I can." He discloses and she smiles up at him. Her heart races as she leans in to attach their lips, the kiss deepens quickly and then the baby kicks and they pull apart.

"Did that hurt?" Jay comments as they both look down at her bump.

"You felt him?" She asks and he nods. She leans back in and kisses him again and they both feel the baby kick again.

"Maybe he doesn't like us kissing." He bends down and lifts her shirt to talk to her bump. He whispers a few words that she can't hear before they feel the movement once more.

"Ok that one hurt a little."

"Sorry." Jay's lips brush against hers.

Erin murmurs that she thinks the baby is kicking because he wants some frozen yogurt.

Jay chuckles as he nods "I'll get my coat, just text me what you want."

"I want to come with."

"It's-" He starts but he stops himself when he sees her poke her bottom lip out. The thought of her son having the same pout causes a smile to come to his face.

They both throw on some shoes and a coat before leaving.

XXXXXX

It takes her a while to decide what flavor she wants and then once they each get their cups, she eyes his. He takes a spoonful up to his mouth and notices her looking at the pink cup in his hand. He smirks at her, knowing that look, as he scoops some of his yogurt and moves the spoon to her mouth. She smiles bashfully and tentatively eats from his green spoon.

"You want mine don't you?" He asks and she blushes as she shakes her head shyly but he knows she's lying and it causes him to chuckle as he hands her his frozen yogurt and she gives him hers.

They walk out of the door and towards his truck when a voice calls out his name. They both turn to see who's calling him and see a brunette woman making her way toward them.

"Oh my god, crazy seeing you here. How have you been?"

"Abby." Jay says as he scratches at the back of his head. "I've been good, what about you?"

Abby's voice is flat and her expression cold as she replies "I've been alright, still single. But look at you, I guess a congrats is in order."

"Actually he's not min-" He starts, but quickly bites his tongue and looks back at Erin. She looks hurt and she begins to back away before turning around to walk in the direction of her apartment. "Shit. Erin."

She can hear Abby yell something about Jay being available, but Erin just continues on, not listening for Jay's response. Instead, she pulls her phone out and orders an Uber.

"Erin….Erin!" He's right behind her, wrapping his hand around her bicep. "I wasn't-"

"It's ok Jay." Her voice is calm but sad as she turns to face him. "It's ok." He tries to pull her into him when he sees the tears in her eyes. And he tries to close the distance between them but she shakes her head and takes a step back. "It was selfish of me to start a relationship with you after I got pregnant. It was selfish of me to want you. And it was selfish accepting it when you said you were all in. I can't ask you to stay with me, I can't hold you back. I won't do that to you." There's a brief pause as she tries to keep herself together. "But I'm so incredibly grateful for everything you've done for us. I won't let you miss out on being with someone like her."

"I don't want her, or someone like her. I want _you_."

"But you're right Jay, he's not yours." Her words hurt them both.

"I regretted that the second it came out my mouth."

"It doesn't matter Jay, it's the truth. You don't have to play along and act like you want this." She sees her ride pull up to the curb and she walks over to the dark blue sedan. Her head hangs low as she opens the door. She doesn't turn or look back when she whispers goodbye and slides into the backseat.

He watches as the car drives away and he feels like his heart has been tied to the bumper, ripped out of his chest and dragged along the road as the sedan disappears around a corner.

Jay's whole body aches and he stands there frozen for a while before running past Abby and back to his truck before driving to Erin's apartment. He bangs on her door and pleads for her to let him in but there's no answer.

He faintly registers one of her neighbors opening their door, and sees them step into the hall out of the corner of his eye. "Hey go home would ya?"

"Am I banging on your door?... No? Then go back inside!" Jay spits as he turns back to Erin's door but he decides against banging on the thick white wood. "Shit." He mutters to himself as he rests his forehead on the door.

"She's not here Jay." He hears Kim say from behind him, turning to see her walking toward him, digging through her purse and pulling out a set of keys.

He knows she's lying to protect her friend from hurting more, he knows that Erin is inside probably crying into her giant pregnancy pillow. So he ignores her words as he responds. "I have to talk to her Kim." He doesn't even look at her.

"She doesn't want that right now."

"I fucked up, I know that. That's why I need to talk to her."

"Take some time Jay."

"Damn it!" He raises his voice and sees her jump; he feels bad and tries to calm himself down as he moves away from the door. "I don't want time Kim. I want to see her."

"Believe me I wish I could help because I've never seen either of you so happy before, but I'm sure this stress isn't good for Erin or the baby, so at least give her the night." Kim says as she walks over to unlock the door and he nods before pushing himself off the wall.

"Kim." He says stopping her from entering the condo. She looks back at him, her brown eyes holding the sadness she feels for her friends. "Can you tell her I'm sorry and I didn't mean it. Tell her that I-." He stops and Kim waits for him to continue but he just shakes his head. He wants Erin to know that he loves her – that he loves both her and the baby. But _he _wants to be the one to tell her that.

Kim nods when she realizes that he's done and agrees to tell Erin before going into the condo.

When Kim goes inside, she sets her keys down on the breakfast bar next to the cup of melted frozen yogurt and walks to Erin's room. She's curled up with her pillow, her eyes rimmed red. she looks heartbroken but to Kim's surprise she's not crying – at least not anymore.

Erin twirls a loose string on her pillow as she asks if Jay left and Kim nods, telling her what he said. Erin sighs as she sits up a little. "I went into this alone and I planned to do this alone. So maybe this is for the best."

"For who?" Kim blurts out and Erin shrugs. "Look Erin, I get that you're hurting and everything hasn't exactly gone according to plan, but it doesn't mean that you two shouldn't fight for what you have. Because what you have is real – it's something I envy. You guys have made everything you've been through look so easy even when it hasn't gone the way either of you once thought it would. You were making it work because you love each other."

Erin lays back down as she thinks about Kim's words.

There are no other words said as she silently cries into her pillow. Eventually she falls asleep and Kim goes out to the living room to sit on the couch just in case she's needed.

She quickly drifts off too but it's not long before she's woken up by Erin moving around the condo cleaning and doing laundry. She sees the tired, sad expression on her friend's face and it reminds her of the look on Jay's face when she first got there.

She goes to the nursery and finds Erin in some kind of trance as she runs her hand over the edge of the crib. Kim moves to stand next to her and that's when she sees her tears. She pulls her into a side hug and tells herself that she has to help get them back together.


	12. Chapter 12

She's sitting on the couch watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and rubbing her belly with her phone pressed between her shoulder and ear. She rolls her eyes at her mom's last remark. "But he said it Mom."

"I spoke with his mom and she said that he's really beating himself up for what he said." That knowledge has her heart aching and she thinks back to that night, remembering him banging on her door – his voice so apologetic and desperate. Her mom's voice brings her back to their current conversation. "How long are you going to hold this against him?"

"I'm not holding it against him."

"It was two weeks ago and you still haven't talked to him. I know that this is Jay we're talking about, but he's still a guy sweetheart and men, well they don't always think before they speak. Even the amazing ones like Jay."

She hisses as she feels another ache in her lower back and slight pressure in her lower abdomen, but thankfully her mom doesn't hear. "I don't expect him to raise my child."

"Did you ever think that he wants to be there for you simply because that's what he _wants, _not because he thinks you expect him to?" There's a brief pause between mother and daughter before Camille continues. "You need to put this poor word choice ordeal behind you and forgive him. He's not someone you should push away Erin. He's a good one."

Then Erin feels the pain in her abdomen again and pulls on her boots with her mom's last words, still holding her phone between her shoulder and her ear.

"Can I call you back Mom?" She says as she gets up and grabs her keys off the counter. She hopes that she won't pick up on the panic in her voice—but she does. It's hard convincing her mom to let her hang up and call Kim for help, but she finally agrees to hold.

When Kim doesn't answer, Erin tries Adam and Antonio—still no answer. Then she calls Kim once more and she answers on the second ring.

"Kim I'm sorry but I think I'm in labor and I..." Her voice cracks a little at the end.

"Don't apologize Erin. We'll be there as soon as we can." Once they hang up, Kim calls Jay.

"Jay, Erin's in labor and we're further out than you are. Would you be able to-" She begins to ramble.

"I'm leaving now." His heart races as he grabs his keys before rushing out of the bullpen. He's glad that he has his truck when he sees the amount of snow the blizzard has graced them with already.

XXXXXX

Erin goes to grab the go-bag and places it by the car seat which is already sitting by the door.

After Camille finally agrees to hang up, Erin starts to pace in the living room of her condo until she hears a knock on her door. She slowly makes her way down the hall, stopping briefly as another contraction rips through her body.

"Erin?" She hears Jay say through the door "Are you ok?" His voice is laced with concern and if she had to guess he's probably seconds away from kicking down the white wooden door. She flips the lock and opens the door just as he was bringing his knee up. "Thank god. Are you alright? Ready to go?"

"Jay what are you doing here?" Her eyebrows knit together in confusion.

He chuckles sadly at that, if he hadn't be an idiot two weeks ago he would have been her first call. "Good to see you too."

"Sorry." She says as she begins pacing again.

"Erin." He wants to get her to hospital as soon as possible, but she shakes her head and stops his hands from guiding her out of the door.

"I'm so sorry. God I was such a bitch to you. My mom was right. She told me that I took something small and stupid and blew it out of proportion so I could-"

He points toward the open door "Erin we should-"

"No Jay, I need to get this off my chest. I used what you said as an excuse to push you away. I was afraid – I still am afraid that you'll wake up one day and want someone else, or find something better and leave us." She whimpers, her hand rubbing her belly.

He moves to cup her face in his hands and shakes his head. "There is nothing or no one better for me than you."

"You don't know that - you could regret that." She rubs her belly.

He chuckles again and she looks up at him confused. "I'm going to tell you what I'd tell you a year from now, two years from now…Twenty years from now. You two are the most important people in my life and that's not going to change." He states sincerely but she's still wearing a slight pout. "Unless we have more kids." He winks, earning a smirk from her as she lets him gently usher her out of the condo.

They get to the elevator and he presses the button with the arrow pointing down. He keeps an arm wrapped around her back and he can actually feel when the next contraction hits. She mentions the go bag and car seat, and for a second he thinks about running back, but he tells her he'll have someone stop and grab it, just wanting to get them to the hospital.

They shuffle into the elevator and he presses the button again. The car doesn't seem to make it far before the lights flicker off as they come to an abrupt stop. Both of their bodies are jerked around but they catch themselves on the railing.

He checks to make sure she's ok before pushing the emergency button for a minute, waiting for a few seconds before pressing it again. He keeps repeating this until she quietly says his name. Her voice immediately halts his actions as he looks over at her.

"I think something's wrong."

She puts one hand in his and keeps the other on the railing. His other hand stays on her back. Once she's on the floor of the elevator, he pulls his phone out to use the flashlight. His heart races when he sees the blood on her inner thighs.

"Jay." She says getting him to look up at her.

"It's ok." He says calmly "He's going to be ok, you both are. Do you have your phone?" He asks and she nods. "I need you to call Severide and see if Squad 3 can get us out of here, and I'm going call Natalie." He explains before they call.

"Are they on their way?" He looks at her expectantly after they've both hung and waits for her response.

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"The storm has brought a lot of problems and the firehouses are all busy." She hisses; her contractions are getting longer and closer together. She breathes through it. "What did Natalie say?"

"She said that some blood is normal but a lot is alarming."

"Is she busy?"

"They're just getting to my mom's house because their power is out." Just then, his phone rings and he picks it up.

He's terrified by the yelp Erin lets out as another contraction rips through her body. "Nat, I think I'm going to need you to talk me through delivering the baby." She explains that it could still be a while and asks how close her contractions are. "They're only a couple minutes apart." Natalie seems stressed too as she takes a deep breathe on the other end of the line, before telling Jay that he's going to have to determine how dilated Erin is. "How do I do that?" He asks nervously and Natalie talks him through it.

XXXXXX

With Natalie's careful instruction, Jay did his best to help Erin work through her contractions. It has been over an hour they were closer and more intense than ever.

Natalie's voice comes through the phone telling Erin she's going to start to push with her contractions.

"I can't." She shakes her head and despite the dim light of the elevator, he can see the worry etched across her face.

"Yes you can Erin." Natalie encourages.

"Hang on a second Nat." Jay says as he pressed the mute button, moving close to whisper in Erin's ear. "Hey, I know you're scared Er, and I know this isn't how you planned on bringing him into the world but-"

"What if something happens while we're in here?" She's breathing heavily.

"I won't let anything happen to either of you." He assures, leaning his forehead against hers as he cups her cheeks. She nods but looks down. "I love you." He whispers and that gets her to meet his gaze. "And I know how scared you must be because I'm scared too, but he's almost here Er. You just have to trust that I won't let anything happen."

"I love you too." She kissed him briefly before nodding for him to go ahead. Jay pressed the mute button again. "Ok Nat, she's ready.

"Ok Erin, with the next contraction you're going to push."

After several pushes Jay can see the crown of the baby's head. His heart sinks when he adjusts the phone and the flashlight reveals the large amount of blood slowly pooling beneath her.

"You're doing so good Er, I can see the top of his head." Jay comments, not wanting to scare her any more than she already is.

"Really?" She pants before pushing again and with every few pushes a little more of the baby is visible to Jay.

"I think one more big push and he'll be out Erin." He says after a while and Erin nods.

She places her hands back on her knees and gets ready for one more push. The lights flicker back on and she clenches her teeth, letting out a loud yet strangled scream as her son comes out. She leans back against the wall, exhausted and trying to catch her breath as she looks at the little human in Jay's arms.

"Why isn't he crying? Jay what's…..what's-?" She feels weak, slumping back against the wall as she passes out.

Jay's heart races even more when she doesn't respond. In the light he sees that the pool of blood between her legs is even bigger than he thought and he has to blink back tears. He feels completely helpless for a brief moment as he feels the two people he loves most in this world slipping through his fingers. Then he has Natalie start walking him through performing CPR to the lifeless newborn in his arms.

"Ok place him on your jacket on the floor and gently tilt his chin up. Take a deep breath and cover his nose and mouth with your mouth. Blow steadily into his mouth over a second and back away." Natalie instructs. Jay doesn't hear the rest of her words. He follows her instructions and then leans in close to whisper the tiny baby's ear.

"Come on, breathe for me bub." He doesn't have to repeat the steps before the baby grunts and starts to wail. The three Halsteads on the other end of the phone let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

His eyes water looking down at the newborn and he smiles down at him as he starts to squirm in his arms and he moves to the side of Erin.

XXXXXX

When they arrive at the hospital, Erin gets taken straight to the operating room, and as much as Jay wants to be as close to her as possible, he stays with the baby knowing that's where she would want him to be. Jay calls her family, updating them on what's going on, then he goes to stand next to the incubator where Erin's son is currently crying, his hand wrapped tight around Jay's index finger.

Jay wants to pick him up but he's not sure he's allowed to so he takes his free hand off of the top of the incubator and opens the port closer to the baby's feet. He attempts to console the agitated newborn by running his thumb over his little pink leg but it doesn't help. He's so lost in thought that he doesn't even notice the nurse approach him. She asks if he would like to hold him and Jay nods. The nurse tells him that skin to skin contact is best, especially for premature babies, so Jay nods again and pulls the blue scrub top he was given to wear over his head – not registering the nurse's gasp, as she stands there frozen for a few seconds before placing the baby in his waiting arms.

He doesn't know how long he stands there with the baby against his chest but it doesn't take long until he stops crying. Jay walks in little figure eights until the doctor comes to tell him that Erin is out of surgery and is going to make a full recovery.

"When can I see her?"

XXXXXX

After getting kicked out of the NICU so the baby can spend more time in the incubator, Jay walks cautiously into Erin's room. She's lying still on the bed in the middle of the room; her skin is even paler then usual and her hair falls in waves, framing her face. Her belly is already pretty flat but it still has a slight roundness to it. She has various wires and tubes attached to her in some way, not much different than the ones hooked up to her baby and it causes the guilt to wash over him in large waves. He wishes he could have gotten them here sooner – that he could have helped more so that she wouldn't be as she is now. He would give anything to have her holding her son, he's sure there'd be a loving, dimpled smile on her face and tears in her eyes as she looked down at her beautiful baby boy.

He pulls a chair over to the right side of the bed and sits next her. His hand gently picks up one of hers and begins telling her about the time he spent with her newborn. Then he pleads with her to wake up soon so she can meet her little one herself. After a few minutes her eyes begin to flutter open but he doesn't notice at first. She just listens to him as he apologizes for not getting them here in time.

When she murmurs his name he thinks he's hallucinating as he looks up and sees her eyes still closed but then she's looking at him.

"Is he ok?" She whispers and he can't stop the lone tear that rolls his cheek. He nods and stands up to kiss her forehead.

"He's perfect Er." He whispers, and then he leaves to grab the doctor quick before rushing back to her side.

The doctor checks her vitals before agreeing to bring her son in for her to meet. When the clear plastic incubator is rolled into the room and she sees her baby curled up inside she releases a breath she didn't know she was holding. The nurse gently takes the tiny newborn out and places him in Erin's arms. There's several minutes of absolute silence as the new mom falls more and more in love with her baby.

Eventually he starts to get fussy and Erin tries to soothe him, but it doesn't work. The nurse tells her that he might be hungry and then gives Erin the option of either bottle feeding or breastfeeding him, to which she chooses the latter.

The nurse walks Erin through feeding the baby and stays close by in case she's needed before eventually leaving the room.

Jay walks over then and sits on the edge of the bed. He smiles at the blissful expression on her face as she watches her son nurse for the first time.

"Thank you." She states and it throws him off. He feels he doesn't deserve her thanks and shakes his head.

"I heard what you said before."

"If I hadn't said what I did at the yogurt place-" He shakes his head and stands up.

"I overreacted, so if there's anyone to blame it's me. But you got me through it. You're the reason we're both here. Even if his delivery didn't exactly go according to plan, it doesn't matter because we're ok."

Jay nods as his eyes travel down towards the baby and he chuckles lightly.

"What?" Erin asks tearing her eyes away from her little one.

"He's got his mom's appetite." He jokes and she gives him a less than amused look. "So what's his name?"

"I was thinking about Emmett Jay."

"Emmett Jay Lindsay." He tests it out. "I like it."

"I actually wanted to ask you something and I don't want you to just say yes. I know this is big and I understand if you don't want-"

"Erin." He raises his eyebrow at her and gives her a grin, loving when she babbles nervously, but wanting her just ask her question.

"I was thinking about my last name and how I don't really know where it came from. And when I was thinking about baby names I thought that I'd give him a different last name but I wasn't sure what it'd be. But now, after everything, I was wondering if maybe Emmett could be a Halstead?"

It's not clear what's going through his head or how he's feeling. She can't read him like she usually can and it's worries her as the silence following her words stretches on.

"I'd love that." He finally murmurs against her lips.

When they pull apart she gives him a tired smile and her eyes shine bright with unshed tears, the happiness evident within her hazel orbs.

"Welcome to the world little MJ." He places a kiss to the little one's head, moving up a little to kiss her breast and then up more to her lips again.

"Maybe one day you'll be a Halstead too."

"Oh definitely." She winks and he smirks as he leans down to kiss her once again.


End file.
